Digging Deeper: Deep Friendship

Looking this week at the commandment, “You shall not commit adultery,” prompted a deeper dive into what long-lasting marriages typically have that helps prevent infidelity—of either the body or the heart—from ever beginning to creep in.

First, for the believer, marriage is a lifelong union between two people (Genesis 2:24) and is intended to be a permanent relationship (Matthew 19:6). It requires sacrificial love (Ephesians 5:22–33) and comes with stern warnings against defiling or dishonoring the marriage covenant (Hebrews 13:4). Relationships rooted in faith have a greater chance of enduring and thriving, with secular marriages experiencing a 30–50 percent higher rate of separation. Faith must come first.

After that, one common theme among strong and lasting marriages is a deep friendship between spouses. Deep friendship has been described as “an unconditional bond where you feel entirely seen, accepted, and safe.” I believe that level of trust can exist only between two people who intentionally make time to build a deep bond. It is built brick by brick through daily conversations, shared hobbies, and consistent check-ins.

I love family traditions, and we work hard to build them into our daily and weekly routines with our kids. We do pizza and a movie every Friday, have donut mornings on the weekends, and enjoy all sorts of little traditions together. For Deanna and me, when the kids are in school, we have a built-in weekday off together, so we go out for lunch and then grab an afternoon coffee before picking the kids up from the bus.

Coffee is a powerful currency in our house. We often share an afternoon iced coffee together and occasionally split a pastry. It’s a moment to decompress between work and the rest of the day’s responsibilities—getting the kids to the ballfield, band room, or basketball court while also making sure dinner and homework get done.

It isn’t about the coffee; it’s about the intentional conversation that happens because of it. Our friendship grows stronger every time we spend time talking with purpose. Those moments become opportunities for reflection, planning, encouragement, and simply enjoying one another’s company.

We also make it a point to have a date night at least once a month. We often try to catch a concert or a comedy show and make an evening of it, especially if we’ve already arranged for a babysitter. One thing that always amazes me is that whenever we get away from the house, the responsibilities of parenting, and the pressures of everyday life, I’m reminded why we liked each other in the first place. I often turn to Deanna and say, “This is so much fun. I remember why we enjoy doing this together.”

Whether we’re drinking an afternoon coffee, going to a Braves game, or seeing Metallica live, we genuinely have fun together, and every one of those moments strengthens our friendship. The bond built through laughter, joy, and shared experiences is often what carries us through the hardships, trials, and disappointments that inevitably come.

Your intentionality with your spouse matters, and it is one of the greatest safeguards against marital tension. Have the coffee. Go on the date. Share the smile.