Digging Deeper: Mutual Respect

My meeting Deanna was somewhat coincidental. We had worked together at a Super Target for a few years, but because we attended different high schools and worked in different departments, we didn’t spend much time together. I remember seeing her one day, and a friend said, “She’s cute, huh?” to which I replied, “Yes, she is.”

The Target where we worked was a popular viewing spot for the City of Woodstock’s annual fireworks show, which always made for a very busy evening. One year, I was scheduled to work the late shift. Usually, once the fireworks began around 9:00 p.m., the crowds would clear out and the rest of the evening would be smooth sailing.

Except that year.

A pop-up shower delayed the fireworks by nearly 45 minutes. The late start meant traffic lingered much longer than usual, and when I clocked out at 10:00 p.m., the parking lot was… well, a parking lot. No cars could get in or out.

I noticed Deanna standing outside, also wondering what to do about the traffic, so we struck up a conversation. The conversation lasted until traffic finally cleared. Then it continued at Taco Mac. When Taco Mac closed, it carried on at Waffle House. Now, 17 years into our marriage, the conversation is still going.

We’re like any other couple. We’ve experienced ups and downs and everything in between. One thing that hasn’t changed is that she is, without question, my very best friend. What began as an attraction grew into a friendship, and that friendship became a marriage.

This week, we’ve focused on the Lord’s commandment not to commit adultery, and I’ve tried to approach it from a positive perspective: building a marriage strong enough to withstand the temptation to look elsewhere.

One key component of lasting marriages is mutual respect. As I searched for practical examples of what respect looks like, I came across a list of reader-submitted advice for newlyweds. One of my favorite entries was this:

Five Rules for Marriage

1. Fight fair. No name-calling, no condescension, and no cursing. When emotions begin to take over, pause the argument and give yourselves time to cool down.
2. No Rolodex. Don’t file away past hurts and injustices in a mental Rolodex to use as ammunition in future arguments. Deal with the hurt now, while it can still be made right.
3. Choose compromises you can both live with. Whether the decision is big or small, make sure the outcome is something both of you can genuinely live with—because you’re both going to have to.
4. Create a safe place for vulnerability. Whether you’re sitting on the couch, lying in bed, or even soaking in the tub, find a place where you can communicate openly and honestly, even when the conversation is difficult or emotional.
5. Remember your future together. You’re going to live with this person tomorrow, next week, next year, and hopefully into retirement. Don’t let anger, indifference, or taking one another for granted rob you of the future you’re building together.

I don’t know who originally wrote those five rules, but I think they contain practical, relatable, and timeless wisdom. Choosing emotional intentionality and mutual respect—even during moments of conflict—strengthens a marriage. And a strong marriage helps keep our hearts focused on the path of purity and holiness the Lord has called us to walk.