NorthStar Church Blog

We’ve spent the last few days talking about prayer, and if you’ve been following along, you may be asking… What if God doesn’t answer my prayer? That’s a much harder question. It’s easy to talk about prayer when the answer is yes. We love the stories where someone prays for something and God comes through in an incredible way. We love hearing about the impossible situation that suddenly changed, the healing that nobody expected, or the door that opened at exactly the right time. Those stories remind us that God hears our prayers and that He is capable of doing far more than we could imagine. But what about when you pray and nothing changes? What about when you ask God to bring about good health and He doesn’t? What about when you pray for a relationship to work out and it ends? What about when you ask God to open a door and it stays firmly shut? What about when you pray for years for something and the answer seems to be silence?

Our passage from last Sunday gives us such hope. Matthew 7:9–11 gives us one of the most comforting pictures of God in the entire Bible. Jesus says, “Which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?” Jesus is making a simple point: good parents want good things for their children. If we, as imperfect people, know how to give good gifts to our children, “how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” I love that Jesus calls God our Father. He doesn’t describe Him as a distant God who reluctantly listens to our requests. He describes a Father who knows us, loves us, and wants to give good things to His children. But there is something important we have to remember. God being good does not mean God will give us everything we ask for.

As a parent, there will be plenty of things my daughters ask me for that I will say no to. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them. In fact, sometimes the reason I say no is because I love them. A child may not understand why the answer is no because they can only see what they want in that moment. A parent has a different perspective. God has a completely different perspective than we do. There are things I have prayed for that I desperately wanted God to say yes to. There are things I have prayed about where I was convinced I knew exactly what God needed to do. But looking back, I can also see moments when what I thought was a good thing wasn’t actually the best thing for me. That doesn’t make the “no” easy. Sometimes we use phrases like “God has something better” so casually that we forget how painful it can be to actually live through unanswered prayer. There are moments when you don’t want a lesson. You don’t want character development. You don’t want to hear that God has a different plan. You just want the thing you prayed for.

Here is a truth that maybe you need to hear today. God can handle your honesty! You don’t have to pretend that a “no” doesn’t hurt. You don’t have to convince yourself that you never wanted what you prayed for. You can bring your disappointment to God because He is not threatened by your questions, your frustration, or even your grief. Jesus Himself modeled this in the Garden of Gethsemane. He prayed that the cup of suffering would be taken from Him, but ultimately surrendered Himself to the Father’s will. The prayer wasn’t wrong because He asked for something that didn’t happen. The prayer was an honest expression of what He desired, followed by a willingness to trust the Father. That may be one of the hardest parts of prayer: when we continue to trust God when His answer is not the one we wanted.

Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes the answer is not yet. And sometimes we may never fully understand the answer this side of eternity. But Matthew 7 reminds us that whatever the answer is, we can trust the heart of the One giving it. Jesus doesn’t say, “Your Father in heaven will give you everything you ask for.” He says your Father will give good things to those who ask Him. That means our confidence in prayer ultimately cannot rest in getting what we want. It must rest in knowing who we are asking. If my confidence in God is dependent on Him giving me the answer I want, then I will eventually find myself disappointed with Him. But if my confidence is rooted in who He is, then even when I don’t understand His answer, I can still trust Him.

Maybe that is where you are today. You have prayed the same prayer over and over, and you’re starting to wonder if God is even listening. Maybe you’ve been waiting for an answer for months or years. Maybe God has already answered, but the answer was no, and you’re struggling to understand why. Keep talking to Him. You can ask again. You can tell Him what you want. You can tell Him that you’re disappointed. You can tell Him that you don’t understand. And then, even when you don’t understand His answer, you can remind yourself of what Jesus told you… your Father is good! We may not always understand the answer, but we can trust the Father. Sometimes the greatest answer to prayer isn’t getting the thing we asked for. Sometimes it is discovering that even when God says no, He is still good, He is still present, and He is still our Father. Rest in that truth today!

Yesterday, we focused on the big prayers we pray. What would happen if we saw lives changed, miracles happening, and people coming to know Jesus? We’d be so excited! But today, I want to challenge you to think about another reason our prayers may be lacking. Do you ever pray for God to bring about change while secretly hoping He won’t ask you to change anything?

Think of it this way. (Here is my chance to insert something about the TV show Survivor.) I always say I would go on the show. I would love to compete. I believe I have the relational ability and strategic mind to win, and it would be fun! But what if today I got a call from Jeff Probst saying they needed a replacement contestant, filming started tomorrow, and I would be gone for 45 days?

This would be a dream come true! But what if those dates landed on our biggest night of our college ministry? What if filming overlapped with one of my daughter’s birthdays? What would my wife think if I left her for 45 days straight? At some point, I would have to ask myself, “Do I actually want to do this?” I’ve always said I wanted to be on Survivor, but when the opportunity finally came, I might discover that I wasn’t willing to accept everything that came with it. There is a difference between saying we want something and being willing to embrace what it requires.

I believe many of us do the same thing in our spiritual lives. We pray for God to give us victory over a particular sin, but we don’t want to give up the things that continually lead us back into it. We pray for spiritual growth, but we don’t want to rearrange our schedules to spend time in His Word. We pray for God to use us, but we don’t want to be inconvenienced. Sometimes the problem with our prayers isn’t that we don’t believe God is able to answer them. The problem is that we know He is more than able, but that it might require something from us.

What if the way God answers your prayer looks different from what you expected? What if He doesn’t immediately remove a struggle, but instead gives you the strength and discipline to keep fighting? What if He doesn’t remove a difficult person from your life, but teaches you patience, forgiveness, and grace? Would you still want the answer?

This is where Jesus gives us an incredible example. In the Garden of Gethsemane, knowing the suffering that was ahead of Him, Jesus prayed to the Father in verse 39, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” Jesus was honest about what He wanted. He asked the Father if there was another way, but He also surrendered Himself to the Father’s will. He brought His desire before God without allowing that desire to take priority over obedience.

That is an important distinction in our prayer lives. Surrender doesn’t mean we stop asking God for things or pretend we don’t have our own desires. We can bring Him our fears, frustrations, hopes, and the things we desperately want Him to change. But we must also trust Him when His answer looks different from what we expected. It’s easy to pray, “God, here’s what I want You to do.” It’s much harder to pray, “God, here’s what I want You to do, but I trust You even if Your plan looks different from mine.”

Sometimes God changes our circumstances, and sometimes He uses those circumstances to change us. We may ask Him to help our daily life, but He may use a difficult season to deepen our dependence on Him. We may ask Him to fix a relationship, but He may first challenge us to forgive. We may ask Him to remove an obstacle, but He may use it to teach us patience and perseverance. We won’t always understand why God answers the way He does, but we can trust that He sees what we cannot see and knows what we cannot know.

So, what are you praying for right now? Are you asking God to change something in your life? Maybe you’re asking Him to help you overcome a struggle, grow in your faith, or use you in a new way. Keep asking Him. Pray boldly and honestly, but also consider whether you’re willing to trust Him with the outcome. Are you willing to obey if He asks you to take a difficult step? Are you willing to let go of something you’ve been holding onto? Are you willing to follow Him even when His answer isn’t the one you hoped for?

Jesus reminds us that we can bring our requests to a good Father who hears us and cares for us. We don’t have to hide what we want from Him, and we don’t have to be afraid to surrender those desires to Him. Prayer is not just asking God to do what we want. It’s trusting Him enough to surrender to what He wants.

Have you ever had something you wanted to say but didn’t know how to say it? Maybe you know exactly what you’re feeling, but when you try to put it into words, it comes out completely different. I think a lot of us feel that way about prayer. We know we’re supposed to pray. We know God wants us to pray. But when we actually close our eyes and start talking to Him, we think, “Am I doing this right?”

That question can become even harder to answer when life gets difficult. When everything is going well, it can be easy to thank God for His goodness. But when you’re anxious about the future, hurting from a relationship, or watching someone you love suffer… what are you supposed to say? How do you pray when you don’t understand what God is doing?

I think one of the most helpful places to look is the Garden of Gethsemane. On the night before His crucifixion, Jesus went away to pray. Matthew 26 tells us that He became anguished and distressed. He even told His disciples that His soul was crushed with grief. Jesus knew what was coming. He knew He was about to face betrayal, suffering, and the cross.

And what did Jesus do? He prayed.

Think about what Jesus was doing. He was not pretending that the coming suffering was easy. He was not hiding His anguish or acting like He had no desire for the cup to pass. He openly expressed what He wanted. He asked His Father to take away the suffering that lay ahead.

That is an incredible example for us because sometimes we approach prayer as though we have to clean ourselves up before we can talk to God. We think we need to find the right words, control our emotions, or convince ourselves that everything is okay. But Jesus shows us that we can come to the Father honestly. We can tell Him what hurts. We can ask Him to intervene. We can bring Him the things we desperately want Him to change.

Hebrews 4:16 invites us to approach God’s throne of grace boldly so that we can receive mercy and find grace when we need it most. God is not asking us to pretend we have everything figured out. Because of Jesus, we can bring our real selves before Him.

So how do we actually do that? When you don’t know what to say, it can help to have a simple framework for prayer. One tool I learned in high school is the ACTS prayer model. It is not the only way to pray, and it is certainly not a formula that guarantees a particular answer. Think of it as four lanes that can guide your mind when you aren’t sure where to start.

A — Adoration. Start by telling God what you love about Him. Tell Him that He is holy, good, faithful, powerful, gracious, or whatever characteristics of God you have seen in Scripture or experienced in your own life. When life feels uncertain, remembering who God is can help ground you. You may not understand your circumstances, but you can still remind yourself that God is worthy of your trust.

C — Confession. Bring your sin and struggles to God. Maybe there is something you’ve been hiding, something you’ve done that you know was wrong, or an area where you’ve been struggling to follow Him. God already knows it, but confession is about acknowledging it before Him and asking for forgiveness. We don’t have to pretend when we pray. Because of Jesus, we can come honestly and confidently before God.

T — Thanksgiving. Take time to thank God for what He has done. Maybe you thank Him simply for saving you. Maybe you thank Him for your family, friends, church, or something specific He has done in your life recently. This does not mean pretending that your circumstances are good when they are painful. It means remembering that even in difficult seasons, God has not stopped being God. You can thank Him for His presence, His promises, and the grace He has already given you.

S — Supplication. Ask God for what you need. Bring Him the big things and the little things. Tell Him where you’re struggling to see Him at work and ask Him to make Himself known. Pray for your family, friends, future, workplace, relationships, and the things weighing on you. But don’t be afraid to ask God for big things either. Ask Him to save people, heal what is broken, give you opportunities to share the gospel, and use your life for His purposes.

Again, this isn’t the only way to pray. The goal isn’t to turn prayer into a formula. It’s simply a place to start when you don’t know what to say.

Yesterday, we talked about the new relationship and new access we have because of Jesus. Today, I want you to actually use that access. You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need to sound spiritual. You don’t need to know exactly what to say. You simply need to start talking to your Father.

You have a new relationship with God. You have new access to God. Now, talk to Him.

Two things are true of me. In middle school, I got my very first cell phone, and I got my very first girlfriend. Now, those two facts may be a coincidence, but they were much more related than you might think. I think back to the month I got in trouble because we had Verizon as our phone provider, and my girlfriend had Cingular. (Anybody remember Cingular?) We texted so many times that month that it cost my parents hundreds of dollars in cross-company texting charges. I also have a memory of being on the phone with my girlfriend until about 3:30 in the morning. I eventually had to get off the phone because I knew my dad would be getting up at 4:00, and it would not go well for me if he heard me still awake!

There is a connection between having a new relationship and having new access. I had a girl that I really liked, and I now had a new means of communicating with her whenever I wanted. (Mainly because my parents upgraded us to the unlimited plan.) When you have a relationship with someone, you naturally want access to them. You want to be able to talk to them, spend time with them, and hear what they have to say.

There is a similar connection between our relationship with God and our access to Him. If you have put your faith in Jesus, you have a new relationship with the God of the universe. A God who loves you deeply. But you also have new access to Him. Through the Holy Spirit, we now have the ability to communicate with God through prayer. And because prayer can feel so normal to us, it is easy to forget just how significant that access really is.

Think about some of the people from the Old Testament. Maybe you thought of Noah, Abraham, Moses, Aaron, or King David. These people certainly knew God and experienced His presence, but access to God’s presence was mediated in a way that is different from what we experience today. God gave Israel the tabernacle and later the temple, and at the center of that worship was the Holy of Holies. This is the place where God’s presence was uniquely represented. The high priest could enter that room only once a year, but only after making the sacrifices and following the requirements God had given. There was a real barrier between the holy presence of God and sinful humanity.

But then Jesus came. Jesus (our Great High Priest) offered Himself as the once-and-for-all sacrifice for sin. And when He died, the curtain separating the Holy of Holies from the rest of the temple was torn in two. The barrier was removed. Hebrews 10:11–14 explains that while the priests repeatedly offered sacrifices that could never ultimately take away sin, “Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins.” His sacrifice accomplished what the repeated sacrifices of the old covenant could never accomplish.

Sellers, why does this matter? It matters because when you begin to pray, you are approaching the holy God of the universe. You don’t have to travel to a specific place, wait for a priest, or bring an animal sacrifice. Because of Jesus, you can draw near to God yourself. Hebrews 10:19–22 says, “Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus… let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith.”

Think about the significance of that. Because of Jesus, you have a new relationship and new access to God. Prayer isn’t simply a spiritual discipline that Christians are supposed to practice. Prayer is one of the ways we experience the access Jesus died to give us. The God whose presence was once separated from His people by a curtain invites you to come near and talk to Him.

And that should change the way we view prayer. We don’t pray because God is distant and we’re trying to get His attention. We pray because, through the sacrifice of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit, God has brought us near. We don’t pray because we are trying to convince God to listen. We pray because He has already made a way for us to come into His presence.

So let me ask you a few questions that I would love for you to consider…

• Why do we pray?

• How does the relationship you have with God change the way you pray?

• How does the access you have to God change the way you pray?