NorthStar Church Blog

Paul tells the church at Ephesus that it is “right” to obey one’s parents, and he repeats the Fifth Commandment to emphasize his point. Paul is telling his readers that not only is it the right thing to do, but it also mirrors our obedience to the Lord (v. 1). Paul further notes that this Fifth Commandment is the first commandment “with a promise” (v. 2). What exactly is that promise? Let’s dive a little deeper into his message.

God first promises the Israelites that honoring one’s father and mother will result in “long days.” Francis Foulkes notes, “When the bonds of family life break up, when respect for parents fails, the community becomes decadent and will not live long.” For a society to survive, it is essential that discipline and obedience begin in the home.

The second promise God makes to the Israelites for honoring their parents is that things will “go well” with them in the Promised Land. The Ligonier ministry comments, “First, to obey the law of God is pleasing to Him, so children please God when they obey their mothers and fathers in the Lord. Second, we see that, generally speaking, life goes well for children who obey their parents.” Whether you are the disciplining parent or the obedient child, order and stability result from following God’s command to honor your parents.

In my opinion, one of the most common misconceptions about parenting is what I would label the BFF syndrome. This is the belief that parents and children can maintain a peer-like friendship rather than the hierarchy that is inherent within the parent-child relationship. I believe that adult children who are living independently no longer need to obey their parents in the same way they did as children, but they still need to respect and honor them. The Ligonier ministry notes, “Good parents lay down rules of discipline that are beneficial for all areas of life, and as children follow these rules, they find themselves able to form healthy relationships, hold down a job as an adult, and otherwise enjoy many benefits.”

I pray today that, whatever dynamic defines your family relationships, you will strive to honor your parents in every way. Even if disharmony and strife abound in your parent-child relationship, God calls both parties—parent and child alike—to honor one another.

In this passage from Mark, Jesus responds to the Pharisees’ accusation that His disciples are violating a tradition by not washing their hands before they eat. As is typical of Jesus, His response comes in the form of a pointed question directed at His accusers. Jesus asks the Pharisees why they are breaking the Fifth Commandment—to honor their father and mother—in order to satisfy their man-made tradition of “Corban.”

Corban, as defined by theologian John Gill, “signifies a gift, or offering, which was devoted to sacred use and was unalienable, and could not be converted to any other use.” The Pharisees withheld assistance from their parents, justifying their actions through their own tradition and thereby violating a godly commandment. Are we also guilty of using “godly”—and not-so-godly—excuses for neglecting our parents in their senior years?

The message of today’s devotional hits fairly close to home for me. The last 15–20 years of my parents’ lives were spent more than 2,000 miles from where I lived. Consequently, my children and I did not get to see them very often. As the end of their lives approached, one of my sisters lived nearby and was responsible for the majority of their family contact and care. I have always regretted not visiting more often. I really had no excuse, since for most of those years I had free flight privileges through my employer.

The author of Proverbs 23 writes, “Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old . . . Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice” (Prov. 23:22, 25, ESV). Matthew Henry comments, “When the mother was grown old, we may suppose the children to be grown up; but let them not think themselves past being taught, even by her, but rather respect her the more for the multitude of her years and the wisdom which they teach.”

Paul told his protégé Timothy to remind the children and grandchildren of a widow that it is pleasing to God “to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents” (1 Tim. 5:4). May we honor our aging parents by caring for them as needed, with love and respect. Trust me—you can never get that time back!

Being a man, I can only offer my experiential perspective on motherhood. I was fortunate to have a great mom who lived a life of sacrifice and humility. I like to think I inherited her softer side, but I probably inherited more of my father’s analytical, slightly standoffish nature. My mother was the kind of mom who would let her kids win the games we played, eat the first burnt pancake, and tend to our many cuts and scrapes. She was a friend to all, a mother to many, and a devoted wife.

My mother was, however, far from perfect. She could never quite duplicate my Polish grandmother’s meatloaf, and her children never let her forget it. Do not judge me! She was quick to accept blame for others’ failures, but she thankfully learned to lovingly stand up for herself when the situation warranted it. The things she taught me are exemplified in the Fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22–23). Her strongest attributes were patience, kindness, and a genuine joy in loving others.

My siblings and I obeyed my father out of respect and, at times, out of fear. We always obeyed my mother out of love—we deeply desired not to disappoint her. I vividly remember going through my divorce and the pain it brought my parents. My mother cared very much for my wife, and it pained her to see our family dissolve. I felt a deep sense of shame and guilt for disappointing my parents. My mother unwaveringly supported me and never once displayed an ounce of judgment or condemnation toward either party. While her reaction should not have surprised me, I still struggled with the feeling that I had let her down.

I continue to honor my mother even today, though she passed away in 2004. Every time I discover a new recipe (my meatloaf is not even close to my grandmother’s), see beautiful wildflowers, or play with my grandkids the way she played with hers, I say a prayer of thanks to the One who created her.

I challenge each of you to honor and love your mother, no matter the season of life you are walking through. If she has passed away, honor her memory and thank God for the traits—both good and not-so-good—that she passed on to you. If she is still in your life, enjoy the time you have with her and honor her continued presence. If you are estranged from your mother, I pray that God will soften the hearts of all involved. Time is a commodity we cannot control, and reconciliation can occur with God’s help and in His timing.

God created mothers for a very special, yet very difficult, task. Honor your mother—not just on a day marked on the calendar—but celebrate her throughout the year.

I do not know most of you who are reading this, and I have met very few fathers of those of you I do know. I do not pretend to understand the family dynamic that existed in your household as a son or daughter. I know some situations were peaceful and loving, while others were turbulent and loveless. I imagine the majority of situations fell somewhere in the middle.

I was blessed to have a father who loved and protected his children. He was by no means a perfect father, but he loved Jesus and treated us with love and respect. His love was rarely displayed in a touchy-feely, emotional way. He was always there in the shadows, showing his love in subtle, behind-the-scenes ways. I have always compared his parenting style to the bumpers found at a bowling alley. These devices are put in place to keep the ball from rolling into the gutter. If you are over the age of ten and still use these when you bowl, then maybe you should consider either giving up the game or taking a lesson!

My father allowed his children to chart their own paths in life, but he did not lack discipline. He tried to keep us on a straight path and was always present to keep us “out of the gutter.” I will fully admit that there were times when each of us managed to fall into “the gutter” despite his protection. We survived, and my father was there not only to help us back onto our feet but also to reinforce the lesson we had just learned. I tried to emulate his parenting style with my own children; you will have to ask them how I did!

When God commands the Israelites to “honor your father,” He is reinforcing a relationship that mirrors the relationship His children are to have with Him. My siblings and I rarely obeyed my father out of fear—although the occasional spanking was threatened and sometimes delivered. We respected my father for who he was and for what he stood for. We honored him in our hearts, although not always consistently in our actions.

Honoring one’s parents is one of the pillars of a successful culture. Biblical commentator Alan Cole notes, “This is not a popular doctrine in our modern world, where youth is worshipped, and old age dreaded or despised. The result is the folly by which men and women strive to remain eternally youthful, only to find it an impossible task.”

Whether your parents, like mine, have long since passed away, are nearing the end of their lives, or are still youthful—in body and/or spirit—remember that you will always be their son or daughter. Honor their memory. Honor their wisdom as they approach the end of their journey. Honor them while you still have them here on earth.

I pray that, no matter the state of your relationship with your father, you will love and honor him as we are called to love and honor our Heavenly Father.

The verb honor is defined as “to regard or treat (someone) with admiration and respect” (Merriam-Webster). Synonyms include: (1) homage—the implication of accompanying praise; (2) reverence—profound respect mingled with love, devotion, or awe; and (3) deference—a yielding or submitting to another’s judgment or preference.

In the book of Revelation, John witnesses the throne in heaven. Twenty-four elders fall down before God, cast their crowns at His feet, and say, “Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created” (Rev. 4:11). God is worthy of our admiration and respect—He created all that we are and all that surrounds us. Paul reminds his readers in Corinth, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31).

We are to pay homage to God our Father. We are to praise Him in all circumstances. David writes, “O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love” (Ps. 59:17). David wrote this passage while assassins lurked outside his doorway, looking for an opportunity to kill him. As Seth so often melodically reminds us, we are to praise God “on the mountain and in the valley, just the same!”

God must be held in reverence. Fearing the Lord—viewing Him with awe—should be a natural outflow of a reverent heart. Our Father must also be the recipient of our love and devotion. How can we not feel devotion to and love for the One who created us, loves us unconditionally, and promises us an eternal home? Being devoted to someone means not only seeking to please them through our actions but also glorifying their name through those actions.

Finally, we must approach God with humility and total submission. I know my personality does not easily lend itself to deference. I have had to endure much discipline and refinement to more clearly view God as Father and Lord. Jesus is the perfect example of total submission. He constantly did the will of His Father, no matter the cost. May we all submit to the Father’s will as a way of honoring our heavenly Father!