Digging Deeper: Obedience in Marriage

I have never set out to sin, planning my day around deceitful or sinful behavior. Those things seem to come naturally. Our sinful nature instinctively resists obedience because our hearts are naturally rebellious (Romans 3:23).

Perhaps that is why God gives us commands and instructions in Scripture to begin with. The Bible is filled with direct, intentional instruction, correction, and guidance. When God commands us to avoid adultery (Exodus 20:14), and later Jesus reinforces that command with even greater clarity (Matthew 5:27–28), it becomes unmistakably clear that this is something we must take seriously.

There are countless studies documenting the devastating effects of adultery on spouses and children alike. Consider a few sobering statistics:

• Approximately 70 percent of betrayed spouses experience lasting damage to their self-esteem, and 30–60 percent experience clinically significant symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress.
• Around 60–70 percent of those who commit adultery report experiencing intense guilt, regret, and significant cognitive dissonance regarding their behavior.
• Approximately 80 percent of children who experience a parent’s infidelity develop a permanently altered view of romantic relationships and struggle to trust others. Nearly 88 percent report long-term anger toward the unfaithful parent.
• Roughly 43–53 percent of marriages affected by infidelity ultimately end in divorce.

These staggering statistics reinforce what God has already told us: adultery is destructive for everyone involved.

Marriage was God’s idea, and He intended it to be a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:6). Throughout Scripture, we are repeatedly called to honor and protect that covenant. The writer of Hebrews says:

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

The call to holiness is unmistakable. So, how do we obey this command?

Pastor John Piper addressed this question in a sermon on this passage, explaining that one of the primary ways we guard ourselves against temptation is by strengthening our faith:

“Now we have seen that sin is whatever is not from faith. Sin is what you feel and think and do when you are not taking God at his word and resting in his promises. So the command of Hebrews 13:4 can be stated like this: Let your sexual relations be free from any act or attitude that does not come from faith in God’s Word. Or to put it positively: Have those attitudes and do those acts in your marital sexual relations which grow out of the contentment that comes from confidence in God’s promises.”

Piper goes on to discuss the natural desires of the human body, making the point that faith doesn’t eliminate our hunger, but it keeps us from gluttony. It doesn’t remove our need for sleep, but it keeps us from becoming sluggards. In the same way, faith doesn’t eliminate sexual desire—it directs and governs it according to God’s design.

While the statistics and Scriptural warnings reveal the devastating consequences of adultery, they should never overshadow the beauty of a God-honoring marriage. As we strengthen our faith and walk in obedience to God’s commands, we discover that intimacy with our spouse is one of God’s good gifts—a source of joy and a powerful safeguard against the temptations of Satan.

God’s plan has always been, and always will be, the best plan.