NorthStar Church Blog

I think that sometimes talking about a past hurt can be healing. It’s a way of reflecting on how far you’ve come from the setbacks in your life.

When I look at the ones who’ve hurt me—for every time someone stepped out on me or hurt me—someone else always stepped right in. God has had a plan for all of my past hurts, and all of your past hurts. He’s used those stories to build the amazing chapters in our lives. Ultimately, it’s a story that has made me who I am and who you are. He has used every hurt for good.

There were times I didn’t understand it, times I felt like He wasn’t there, and times when I wanted to right those wrongs and make others feel my pain too. But every time—every time—God has used it for good. I am forever thankful that I’ve been able to see the other side of those hurts.

The author C.S. Lewis wrote, “Look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him, everything else.” I believe this is true. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. Say the things you need to say to keep your peace and heal your hurt. Leave the vengeance to God.

I pray that as you close out your week and begin your weekend, you will be able to let go of past hurts and walk toward forgiveness. The ones who have hurt you may never know they hurt you. They may never apologize. They may never even realize it. But bitterness has no place in a beautiful heart like yours. Be the one who steps in when others have stepped out. The story of your healing hurt may be what helps someone else walk out of theirs.

When was a time you felt closest to God? Was it during a struggle, when you cried out for help?

I can vividly remember the countless times I hit my knees crying out to God in 2020. I remember the bold prayers I prayed in my stairwell, and I remember the peace that flowed—peace that didn’t make sense.

I was closer to God in 2020 than I ever had been in my life. I was the healthiest I had ever been. I was the most spiritually sound, reading my Bible, writing, journaling, and seeing the good in everything.

It’s funny—sometimes when things look so good to you, they might not to everyone else. I remember people constantly making comments about my appearance, about how much weight I’d lost, and about my exercise habits. At first, I brushed it off. I was finally maintaining peace, overcoming the anxiety that 2020 brought, and working toward a healthier me. But the longer and more frequent the comments became, the more I began to wonder if something was wrong with me. Why would so many people express concern about my appearance?

You see, my daughter and I have multiple food allergies. During 2020, among many other challenges, there was a shortage of our specific allergy-free foods. There was even a shortage of ingredients, and products that were safe for us to eat in 2019 were no longer made with the same ingredients in 2020. While this brought on stress, it also led to healthier alternatives. That time of slowdown gave me the chance to try new recipes, work with fresh ingredients, and ultimately, it led to weight loss.

Despite knowing all this, I couldn’t shake the comments—they started to get to me. My family has a history of cancer. My dad passed away when I was 16 from lung and liver cancer. My sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 22. My mom just passed away from breast cancer. I let the hurtful comments make me believe that something might be wrong with me too.

I scheduled an appointment with my doctor, who reviewed my chart, listened intently to my story, and after physical checks and blood work, assured me he had no concerns. He said I should be proud of my health, that I was within perfect limits for my age and size. While those comments brought peace to my anxious heart, he did something else I will never forget.

As I walked out of the exam room feeling better, he paused outside his next patient’s room. Then he came back to the front and called me back. He said, “I really feel like I’m supposed to say this to you. Just because there’s been cancer in your family doesn’t mean that you will develop cancer. You are perfectly healthy. Just because there is a history of something doesn’t define your future.”

Those words were everything I needed to hear. They calmed my mind and eased my heart. I will never forget how impactful words can be. Our words can cause hurt and anxiety, but they can also bring peace and reassurance. In 2020, and every day thereafter, I resolved to run the race God has set for me—specifically for me. How I run that race is different from others, and that’s okay.

Though those people never knew how their words hurt me—never apologized or acknowledged how they made me feel—giving it to God and choosing to continue running my race healed the hurt I carried inside.

I pray today, as your week begins to wind down, that you remember the impact you have on your office, your church, your school, your kids’ friends, and your family. Remember that your words have the power to spark. Let them spark something good in someone else. If God lays someone on your heart or gives you something to do, do it. Those very words could be what helps someone else heal from past hurt.

I’m certain that, at some point, you have walked through hard times, been hurt by someone you love, or struggled with forgiveness. But have you ever felt like you emotionally hurt yourself? Is there something you need to forgive yourself for?

I’m a people pleaser. I want everyone around me to be happy. I want to always do what’s best for my family, my kids, my students, and my co-workers. Sometimes, to maintain peace, I ignore how I feel about something. I won’t say the thing I know I need to say. I stay silent, and unintentionally, I end up hurting myself.

You see, what happens is that staying silent begins to harbor resentment—resentment that others didn’t see things the way I did, that no one else felt uncomfortable or spoke out, or, better yet, that no one acknowledged how frustrated I was. And that hurts.

In yesterday’s Digging Deeper, I wrote about how I’ll never get back those 13 years with my mom—13 years that we could have been so much closer if we had just addressed the unspoken truth.

But what I do know is that, in every instance, God has used those parts of my story—those past hurts and people-pleasing moments—to point me back to Him. I’m thankful that we can learn from those setbacks and mistakes every day.

When you help maintain peace, even after someone has hurt you, like Romans 12:17 says, you are being honorable: “Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.” By doing so, you bring honor to God and not vengeance to others.

I pray that as you walk into today, you put away your people-pleasing tendencies. Look others in the eye, listen to their words, and have the bravery to maintain peace while also saying how you feel. Don’t let your years be wasted. Let your hurts become a part of your story that points others back to Christ.

My mom was a prayer warrior. She was always the first person I called when I needed prayer, the right scripture, or a solid voice of reason. Her relationship with Christ was unlike anything I had ever seen. It was something I strived for. She had journal upon journal filled with messages she’d written where God had answered a prayer or shared something she never wanted to forget. She journaled through all the hard and happy moments of her life.

But there’s one thing I never saw scribbled in her notebooks: the day she knowingly and intentionally said something to hurt me.

It was a hurt so deep that, for several months, we didn’t speak. She missed my daughter’s first Christmas and some of her milestones. During the months we weren’t talking, we played a passive-aggressive game of When will it be okay to talk again? Are we both over this yet? For 13 long years, we never mentioned it. We rebuilt our relationship. We still absolutely loved each other— that never stopped. But I was still broken from her words. I was always fearful that the reasoning behind what she did would be worse than her words themselves.

It wasn’t until she entered a battle with cancer that I finally had the courage to ask why she said what she did.

When she broke down and shared her version of what happened, it was eye-opening. In her motherly mind, she believed she was pushing me toward something she thought I needed. There was so much more going on that I didn’t know, so much I couldn’t see, so much she didn’t say at the time. Isn’t that how it always is when someone hurts us? There’s always more to the story—more that we don’t know.

I’ll never forget that conversation with my mom. I’m thankful that God gave me that time to reconcile, to know her reality, and to truly and deeply forgive a hurt I had carried for 13 years. At her funeral last summer, I clung to the words she shared during that conversation. I will forever wish that conversation had happened sooner, giving me more time with her while she was still on this side of heaven.

Ephesians 4:26 says, “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” I firmly believe this with every ounce of my soul.

My prayer for you today is that you hold this scripture in your heart. If someone hurts you, remember that holding on to the hurt will never help you heal. Your heart is too valuable a place to store anger and resentment. We were made to forgive.

How hard is it to ignore the harsh words that someone spews to hurt you?

It feels almost impossible. But so is trying to combat someone’s harsh words about you while firing back with something positive.

In my career, I have had the absolute pleasure of working with people from various backgrounds and beliefs. I’ve worked with atheists, non-believers, and individuals from various religious traditions. I have worked with people from my home state of Georgia, people from far up the East Coast, and people from as far out as the West Coast. I’ve worked with individuals who share my beliefs and values and others whose views are polar opposites.

One thing I have learned through each of these experiences is that they help you grow as a person. I’ve learned a lesson from each one and have become more understanding and more appreciative of their uniqueness. Sometimes, though, those lessons are hard—especially when they involve someone spreading lies about you.

I am the type of person who can ignore criticism about my fashion, my style, and my image all day long. But when you attack my character—my integrity—I draw a fine line.

Several years ago, a co-worker shared some very untruthful things about me in a meeting. It took only two short hours before the story got back to me, and the criticism of my peers started setting in. In a moment like that, you want to immediately defend your name, right the wrong, and stand up for yourself. And while I informally did those things, I never fully confronted them. I let that hurt build into a constant frustration, and a passive-aggressive character I didn’t want to wear emerged. I never stood up for myself.

The rest of that year, I was in survival mode, and I hated the way that made me feel. It wasn’t until that summer that I finally decided holding onto that hurt—the story someone else had written about me—was only hurting me. So, I let it go. I knew the truth, God knew the truth, and His view of me was the only one I needed to worry about. I trusted that God could right the wrong.

A year later, that same former co-worker experienced a life-changing event. My heart was pounding when I felt God press in and tell me to contact them. When I called, I spoke nothing but encouraging words, and I could hear the peace in their voice. I never spoke to them about the hurt they caused me. I never confronted the frustrating words. But I was the one cheering them on when they needed affirmation. I know they will never forget that, and I will never forget just how perfect God’s timing was in that moment.

I pray as you tackle this Monday, you remember that people will never forget how you make them feel. The words you speak should always be an encouragement for others to hear. You can never take back words once they leave your mouth, so let them be something worth remembering.