Digging Deeper: The Advice of a Grandfather
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1 Peter 3:1-7 (NLT)
THE ADVICE OF A GRANDFATHER
When I was a teenager, I had a conversation with my grandfather one morning. We were on a family vacation to the Outer Banks, a family favorite of ours, and he and I were drinking coffee and watching the sunrise while everyone else slept.
My grandmother had passed away several years earlier, and he was reflecting on their marriage. He shared a quote with me that I’ve never forgotten: “When you get married, it should be you and her against the world.”
I love that idea. Life isn’t easy, and finding a husband or wife you can face it with—knowing unequivocally that you have each other’s back—is something we should all be so lucky to find.
When reflecting on the challenges that couples face these days, Pastoral Counselor and Marriage Adventure co-founder Daniel Hoover narrowed it down to two critical challenges:
“Our biggest threat to a godly marriage is SELF,” said Hoover. “When we aren’t abiding in or walking with Christ daily, that old, fleshly, selfish nature begins to rear its ugly head. However, when both spouses are walking with Christ daily and submitting to His authority, we find it much easier to die to ourselves and serve one another.”
The second threat is easy to guess: DISCONNECTION.
“It’s rampant in our society,” said Hoover. “Whether it’s watching TikTok or reels, playing video games, or spending countless hours at the ball field, couples today are more disconnected than ever! A deep, meaningful connection in marriage takes intentionality. Think about when you and your spouse first met—chances are, you went on dates, talked for hours on the phone, and went on fun trips. However, as life and seasons change, many couples allow kids, work, and hobbies to rob them of meaningful connection.”
The “diseases” of SELF and DISCONNECTION are easy to spot, and both can pose major threats to the health of our marriages. Daniel offered these remedies to counteract these threats:
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Go to bed at the same time (without turning on the TV). This creates margin in your day and allows you and your spouse to have “pillow talk” before falling asleep. It also creates time for other fun bedroom antics.
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Offer bids for connection throughout the day. A bid for connection is when one partner reaches out to the other for interest, conversation, or expressing a need. The healthiest couples talk about everything and nothing at the same time. It could be sending a sweet text during the day, stopping in the hallway to offer an extended hug, complimenting them on how nice they look, or stopping by Starbucks to get their favorite coffee drink.
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Once a quarter, get away for a night (without the kids). It sounds like a lot, but it’s only four times a year. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. If you can’t afford to get away, send the kids to the grandparents’ or a friend’s house.
Lee Wilson and his wife, Deanna, have been NorthStar Church members since 2010. They are parents to Everett, Henry and Roselyn. Lee is passionate about sports (Go Braves, Go Dawgs) and has the pleasure to serve on the worship team as a bassist.