Digging Deeper: Parenthood
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1 Peter 3:1-7 (NLT)
PARENTHOOD
We recently took on one of the modern world’s greatest challenges to the family—a trip to Disney World. The unforgiving heat, the thousands of steps, and the debate over whether or not the Lightning Lanes are worth it (they are—in for a penny, in for a pound). Not much can wear down the collective patience of a family faster than that combination of sweat, money, lines, and steps. You experience the full gamut of emotions at Disney, that’s for certain.
A movie that displays all the emotions of parenthood is Parenthood with Steve Martin. A great example of a dad stepping up to the plate to preserve his family’s well-being is when his son, Kevin, is having a birthday party. He had hired a cowboy impersonator for the party, and a bunch of kids had shown up just for that.
When he found out the cowboy was unavailable, he threw a Hail Mary to save the party—he grabbed a cowboy hat and made a fool of himself as a cowboy for an hour, much to the delight of his son and the other kids. This act brought great joy to his wife and all the children, and he won the day by putting them first.
That movie does a great job of showing the different angles and stresses parenting can place on a marriage. Once you have kids, your capacity to love, fear, worry, stress, and hope all seem to grow. You never knew you could love someone that much or worry about someone that much.
It is important, however, to maintain boundaries between kids and parents. As we continue consulting Pastoral Counselor and Marriage Adventure Co-founder Daniel Hoover, I asked him to speak on this subject:
“This year my parents will celebrate 64 years of marriage,” reflected Hoover. “I remember my mom always saying, ‘The greatest thing I can do for you boys is to love your dad.’ She was right. My parents maintained a healthy and connected marriage. This created such a foundation for me and my family. My mom and dad loved me, but they had no problem letting me know that the world didn’t revolve around me.”
It feels like we live in a time that magnifies the child, often placing them above the spousal relationship. It sounds selfless, but in the end, it can be harmful to the long-term well-being of the child.
“It’s important to remember, kids should come second!” said Hoover. “We’re all looking for validation and love, and when our kids are small, they offer us validation. They make us feel important. They’re so cute and cuddly… and selfish! Kids should be taught that they don’t run the home—Mom and Dad do. Our children will be happier, healthier, and better adults if they are raised with an understanding that the world doesn’t revolve around them. If the health of your marriage suffers, the children will also suffer.”
Lee Wilson and his wife, Deanna, have been NorthStar Church members since 2010. They are parents to Everett, Henry and Roselyn. Lee is passionate about sports (Go Braves, Go Dawgs) and has the pleasure to serve on the worship team as a bassist.