Digging Deeper: Know Your Role
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1 Peter 3:1-7 (NLT)
KNOW YOUR ROLE
I am married to a very strong-willed and outspoken wife, and those are qualities I love about her. You never have to question her; she will tell you exactly how she feels and exactly what she needs or wants. In our 15 years of marriage, I like to think I’ve become better, or more proficient, at understanding how to meet those needs and serve her.
For example, some people’s love language is acts of service or physical touch. Deanna’s is a solid two-hour nap and an iced coffee when she wakes up. Whatever love language you call that, it’s hers. I understand that about her, and on Sundays after church, I try to take care of our kids so she can have a restful afternoon and an iced Americano when she wakes up. That does far more for her affection toward me than flowers, candy, or even a nice dinner ever would.
As we raise our sons and both work full time, we try to be mindful of taking care of and serving one another in the small ways we can. Life is a grind, and prioritizing biblical guidance for our lifelong partnership is a must for us, as it should be for anyone. Keep Jesus at the center, and follow His lead in serving your partner over yourself.
Life will continue to stretch and grow you, so the roles we play as spouses aren’t always clear-cut. According to pastoral counselor Daniel Hoover, it’s not uncommon for the roles we play for one another to evolve over time.
“When addressing spousal roles, Scripture doesn’t assign duties to either the husband or wife,” Hoover said. “God created us all with different gifts and talents. Some couples are more traditional, and some are more unconventional. This can also change over different seasons of life. It comes down to the heart in which we interact and submit to one another in the marriage union.”
Part of growing in your relationship over time could be this evolution, and embracing those potential changes could be key to how we serve our spouses.
“I believe it is important to allow grace when seasons change and a spouse might sense a different calling. For example, before we had children, Bonnie was called to serve and work directly beside me in our day-to-day ministry (careers). However, as our children have gotten older, she has pulled back from that and geared her attention more toward them and creating our home environment. While at first this was difficult for me, it was important for her that I remain understanding of God’s unique calling in her life.”
Change is inevitable. As we face new changes and challenges over time, it’s important to have grace for our spouses as we navigate the uncharted together.
Lee Wilson and his wife, Deanna, have been NorthStar Church members since 2010. They are parents to Everett, Henry and Roselyn. Lee is passionate about sports (Go Braves, Go Dawgs) and has the pleasure to serve on the worship team as a bassist.