Digging Deeper: Parenthood

Avatar photo Lee Wilson on October 16, 2024

 

 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:1-7  (NLT)


PARENTHOOD

 

We recently took on one of the modern world’s greatest challenges to the family—a trip to Disney World. The unforgiving heat, the thousands of steps, and the debate over whether or not the Lightning Lanes are worth it (they are—in for a penny, in for a pound). Not much can wear down the collective patience of a family faster than that combination of sweat, money, lines, and steps. You experience the full gamut of emotions at Disney, that’s for certain.

A movie that displays all the emotions of parenthood is Parenthood with Steve Martin. A great example of a dad stepping up to the plate to preserve his family’s well-being is when his son, Kevin, is having a birthday party. He had hired a cowboy impersonator for the party, and a bunch of kids had shown up just for that.

When he found out the cowboy was unavailable, he threw a Hail Mary to save the party—he grabbed a cowboy hat and made a fool of himself as a cowboy for an hour, much to the delight of his son and the other kids. This act brought great joy to his wife and all the children, and he won the day by putting them first.

That movie does a great job of showing the different angles and stresses parenting can place on a marriage. Once you have kids, your capacity to love, fear, worry, stress, and hope all seem to grow. You never knew you could love someone that much or worry about someone that much.

It is important, however, to maintain boundaries between kids and parents. As we continue consulting Pastoral Counselor and Marriage Adventure Co-founder Daniel Hoover, I asked him to speak on this subject:

“This year my parents will celebrate 64 years of marriage,” reflected Hoover. “I remember my mom always saying, ‘The greatest thing I can do for you boys is to love your dad.’ She was right. My parents maintained a healthy and connected marriage. This created such a foundation for me and my family. My mom and dad loved me, but they had no problem letting me know that the world didn’t revolve around me.”

It feels like we live in a time that magnifies the child, often placing them above the spousal relationship. It sounds selfless, but in the end, it can be harmful to the long-term well-being of the child.

“It’s important to remember, kids should come second!” said Hoover. “We’re all looking for validation and love, and when our kids are small, they offer us validation. They make us feel important. They’re so cute and cuddly… and selfish! Kids should be taught that they don’t run the home—Mom and Dad do. Our children will be happier, healthier, and better adults if they are raised with an understanding that the world doesn’t revolve around them. If the health of your marriage suffers, the children will also suffer.”

 

Lee Wilson and his wife, Deanna, have been NorthStar Church members since 2010. They are parents to Everett, Henry and Roselyn. Lee is passionate about sports (Go Braves, Go Dawgs) and has the pleasure to serve on the worship team as a bassist.

 

Digging Deeper: The Advice of a Grandfather

Avatar photo Lee Wilson on October 16, 2024

 

 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:1-7  (NLT)


THE ADVICE OF A GRANDFATHER

 

When I was a teenager, I had a conversation with my grandfather one morning. We were on a family vacation to the Outer Banks, a family favorite of ours, and he and I were drinking coffee and watching the sunrise while everyone else slept.

My grandmother had passed away several years earlier, and he was reflecting on their marriage. He shared a quote with me that I’ve never forgotten: “When you get married, it should be you and her against the world.”

I love that idea. Life isn’t easy, and finding a husband or wife you can face it with—knowing unequivocally that you have each other’s back—is something we should all be so lucky to find.

When reflecting on the challenges that couples face these days, Pastoral Counselor and Marriage Adventure co-founder Daniel Hoover narrowed it down to two critical challenges:

“Our biggest threat to a godly marriage is SELF,” said Hoover. “When we aren’t abiding in or walking with Christ daily, that old, fleshly, selfish nature begins to rear its ugly head. However, when both spouses are walking with Christ daily and submitting to His authority, we find it much easier to die to ourselves and serve one another.”

The second threat is easy to guess: DISCONNECTION.

“It’s rampant in our society,” said Hoover. “Whether it’s watching TikTok or reels, playing video games, or spending countless hours at the ball field, couples today are more disconnected than ever! A deep, meaningful connection in marriage takes intentionality. Think about when you and your spouse first met—chances are, you went on dates, talked for hours on the phone, and went on fun trips. However, as life and seasons change, many couples allow kids, work, and hobbies to rob them of meaningful connection.”

The “diseases” of SELF and DISCONNECTION are easy to spot, and both can pose major threats to the health of our marriages. Daniel offered these remedies to counteract these threats:

  1. Go to bed at the same time (without turning on the TV). This creates margin in your day and allows you and your spouse to have “pillow talk” before falling asleep. It also creates time for other fun bedroom antics.

  2. Offer bids for connection throughout the day. A bid for connection is when one partner reaches out to the other for interest, conversation, or expressing a need. The healthiest couples talk about everything and nothing at the same time. It could be sending a sweet text during the day, stopping in the hallway to offer an extended hug, complimenting them on how nice they look, or stopping by Starbucks to get their favorite coffee drink.

  3. Once a quarter, get away for a night (without the kids). It sounds like a lot, but it’s only four times a year. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. If you can’t afford to get away, send the kids to the grandparents’ or a friend’s house.

 

Lee Wilson and his wife, Deanna, have been NorthStar Church members since 2010. They are parents to Everett, Henry and Roselyn. Lee is passionate about sports (Go Braves, Go Dawgs) and has the pleasure to serve on the worship team as a bassist.

 

Digging Deeper: Know Your Role

Avatar photo Lee Wilson on October 15, 2024

 

 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:1-7  (NLT)


KNOW YOUR ROLE

 

I am married to a very strong-willed and outspoken wife, and those are qualities I love about her. You never have to question her; she will tell you exactly how she feels and exactly what she needs or wants. In our 15 years of marriage, I like to think I’ve become better, or more proficient, at understanding how to meet those needs and serve her.

For example, some people’s love language is acts of service or physical touch. Deanna’s is a solid two-hour nap and an iced coffee when she wakes up. Whatever love language you call that, it’s hers. I understand that about her, and on Sundays after church, I try to take care of our kids so she can have a restful afternoon and an iced Americano when she wakes up. That does far more for her affection toward me than flowers, candy, or even a nice dinner ever would.

As we raise our sons and both work full time, we try to be mindful of taking care of and serving one another in the small ways we can. Life is a grind, and prioritizing biblical guidance for our lifelong partnership is a must for us, as it should be for anyone. Keep Jesus at the center, and follow His lead in serving your partner over yourself.

Life will continue to stretch and grow you, so the roles we play as spouses aren’t always clear-cut. According to pastoral counselor Daniel Hoover, it’s not uncommon for the roles we play for one another to evolve over time.

“When addressing spousal roles, Scripture doesn’t assign duties to either the husband or wife,” Hoover said. “God created us all with different gifts and talents. Some couples are more traditional, and some are more unconventional. This can also change over different seasons of life. It comes down to the heart in which we interact and submit to one another in the marriage union.”

Part of growing in your relationship over time could be this evolution, and embracing those potential changes could be key to how we serve our spouses.

“I believe it is important to allow grace when seasons change and a spouse might sense a different calling. For example, before we had children, Bonnie was called to serve and work directly beside me in our day-to-day ministry (careers). However, as our children have gotten older, she has pulled back from that and geared her attention more toward them and creating our home environment. While at first this was difficult for me, it was important for her that I remain understanding of God’s unique calling in her life.”

Change is inevitable. As we face new changes and challenges over time, it’s important to have grace for our spouses as we navigate the uncharted together.

 

Lee Wilson and his wife, Deanna, have been NorthStar Church members since 2010. They are parents to Everett, Henry and Roselyn. Lee is passionate about sports (Go Braves, Go Dawgs) and has the pleasure to serve on the worship team as a bassist.

 

Digging Deeper: Submit to One Another

Avatar photo Lee Wilson on October 14, 2024

 

 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:1-7  (NLT)


SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER

 

Having the opportunity to write for the Digging Deeper team is an honor and a responsibility that I do not take lightly. When I saw that my topic was marriage, along with some very important scripture about it, I felt intimidated by the task of addressing it.

So, I decided to ask someone more studied and credentialed to offer some insight. Daniel Hoover, who served on staff at Northstar for nearly two decades, founded and leads a ministry called The Marriage Adventure with his wife, Bonnie. Who better to ask for help than him? Daniel kindly agreed to provide some insight and will be featured several times this week.

In 1 Peter, chapter three, wives are called to submit to their husbands (v. 5), and husbands are called to honor their wives (v. 7). Similarly, Paul references the idea of spousal submission in Ephesians when he says wives should submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ (Eph. 5:24), while husbands should love their wives as they love themselves (5:28).

So, what does biblical submission look like practically?

“Paul commands us all to ‘Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,’” said Hoover, referencing Ephesians 5:21. “As Christians, we are to submit to each other. This means that we should think of the other person first, or before ourselves, yielding to each other when possible. Paul is addressing all believers, regardless of gender or socioeconomic status, in this verse. Then, in verse 22, he narrows his focus to marriage.”

This point is significant: we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. It only makes sense that this concept would carry over into marriage. Additionally, the original audience for Paul’s and Peter’s teachings would have been dramatically different from today’s.

“In that time, women were viewed as property,” Hoover said. “It was understood that a woman was supposed to submit to any and every man. However, Paul was saying that a woman isn’t to submit to every man. Women aren’t lesser than men. He was saying to submit only to your own husband. This is also the understanding Peter displays in 1 Peter 3:1. This was incredibly liberating for women in that day; it actually lifted women up from public oppression.”

This idea of submission is a continuation of the death to self that we endure as believers. In the confines of marriage, placing the needs of your partner ahead of your own is a noble pursuit. However, Daniel wanted to emphasize one important distinction:

“It’s also important to note that when these passages talk about submission, we aren’t commanded to submit to one another’s sin,” said Hoover. “Colossians 3:18 says, ‘Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.’ Wives have a higher authority than their husband, and that is Christ the Lord. We should always remember that a husband is a servant leader, not a tyrannical ruler.”

May we each strive to out-serve one another, as is fitting to the Lord, each day!

 

Lee Wilson and his wife, Deanna, have been NorthStar Church members since 2010. They are parents to Everett, Henry and Roselyn. Lee is passionate about sports (Go Braves, Go Dawgs) and has the pleasure to serve on the worship team as a bassist.

 

Digging Deeper: Show Up and Show Out

Avatar photo Kelly Skelton on October 11, 2024

 

In every matter of wisdom and understanding about which the king questioned them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in his whole kingdom.

Daniel 2: 17-18 (NIV)

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:16 (NIV)


SHOW UP AND SHOW OUT

 

Who you are on Sunday should be evident when you’re at work on Monday.

I don’t take for granted the impact I get to have in my classroom, in the hallways, and in my school. I know that parents, staff, and students are always watching what I say, how I react, and how I handle the pressures of day-to-day life.

In the same way, God has placed you in the unique position you’re in for a purpose. Reflect Him in everything you do. Know that others are watching, and the more relatable and real you are, the more likely you are to make an impact on them.

I pray that as you close out your workweek, you remember that your actions influence others. Who you are at work and in your daily life speaks volumes about your faith. Show up and show out!

 

Kelly Skelton is a Georgia native, raised in the south on Jesus, Georgia football and sweet tea.  She is her husbands’ biggest fan and her two daughters’ loudest cheerleaders.  She recently published her first children’s book titled, But God Had a Plan.  She stays active in the Dallas area as a  photographer, videographer, writer, and middle school teacher.

 

Digging Deeper: Conversations with God

Avatar photo Kelly Skelton on October 10, 2024

 

He urged them to plead for mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that he and his friends might not be executed with the rest of the wise men of Babylon.

Daniel 2: 18 (NIV)


CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

In our chaotic lives, it’s easy to feel as though our prayers are just whispers fading in the wind. What I’ve found is that I have a constant stream of thoughts flowing to God’s ears.

Think of prayer as a conversation with your best friend. Just as you would share your joyful moments and deepest concerns with someone you love, our prayers should be open, raw, and honest with God. Pray bold prayers. Pray specific prayers. Pray prayers of thanks for all the grace you have been given.

I pray that as you go about this day, your prayers deepen your relationship with God and strengthen your faith.

 

Kelly Skelton is a Georgia native, raised in the south on Jesus, Georgia football and sweet tea.  She is her husbands’ biggest fan and her two daughters’ loudest cheerleaders.  She recently published her first children’s book titled, But God Had a Plan.  She stays active in the Dallas area as a  photographer, videographer, writer, and middle school teacher.

 

Digging Deeper: Circle Up

Avatar photo Kelly Skelton on October 9, 2024

 

Then Daniel returned to his house and explained the matter to his friends Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah. He urged them to plead for mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that he and his friends might not be executed with the rest of the wise men of Babylon.

Daniel 2: 17-18 (NIV)

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Proverbs 17:17 (NIV)


CIRCLE UP

 

I absolutely love sitting around a table, sharing food, laughing at stories, and screaming at college football games. I am hardwired to be in community with people. I think that’s why I love teaching. I love watching middle school students learn how to interact with each other. These days, it’s like they’ve created their own language, and I’m an outsider begging for a translation. There’s something different about those middle school years—when you’re desperate to fit in, desperate to find a group of people who accept you. I think it’s when we truly start to realize we need people.

You know, we weren’t meant to tackle life alone! Our hearts desperately long to be in community with others. Who is in your circle matters more than who wins on Saturday. The people you surround yourself with pour into you, even when you don’t realize it.

In a world that often promotes superficial connections, God wants us to have real relationships. A true friend encourages us to grow and challenges us to be our best selves. In turn, they reflect God’s love in our lives.

Who’s in your circle? What role do you play in the circle?

I pray that as you walk through this day, you surround yourself with people who build you up. Appreciate the friends in your circle, and be the one who is a source of encouragement and strength for others. Reflect God’s love in all that you do.

 

Kelly Skelton is a Georgia native, raised in the south on Jesus, Georgia football and sweet tea.  She is her husbands’ biggest fan and her two daughters’ loudest cheerleaders.  She recently published her first children’s book titled, But God Had a Plan.  She stays active in the Dallas area as a  photographer, videographer, writer, and middle school teacher.

 

Digging Deeper: Tracing the Steps

Avatar photo Kelly Skelton on October 8, 2024

 

I will remember the deeds of the Lord ; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

Psalm 77:11 (NIV)


TRACING THE STEPS

 

Have you ever walked through something that felt so insanely dark, desolate, and lonely? Did you cry out to God and feel like your prayers went unheard and unanswered?

There are moments in my life when memories come fleeting back to me—moments when I thought God was silent, but in reality, He was working things out for my good. Sometimes, in the moment, we don’t see what God is doing, but when we trace the steps that got us from there to here, we can see His handprint in it all. Each memory becomes a reminder of His faithfulness, His grace, and His love.

Oftentimes, looking back, I can see how God didn’t answer my specific prayers the way I thought He should because He had something immensely greater for me.

It’s easy to have faith and confidence in God when you can trace back over the moments in your life where He showed up and showed out for you.

I pray that as you tackle this day, you retrace the grace God has given you—that you find an exact moment when, without a shadow of a doubt, God boldly did something for you. I pray that moment is so vivid that you share that part of your story with someone else today.

 

Kelly Skelton is a Georgia native, raised in the south on Jesus, Georgia football and sweet tea.  She is her husbands’ biggest fan and her two daughters’ loudest cheerleaders.  She recently published her first children’s book titled, But God Had a Plan.  She stays active in the Dallas area as a  photographer, videographer, writer, and middle school teacher.

 

Digging Deeper: How’s Your Faith?

Avatar photo Kelly Skelton on October 7, 2024

 

But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way.

Daniel 1:8 (NIV)

 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2 (NIV)


HOW’S YOUR FAITH?

 

I know how this messy world can seem to constantly tug at your hem, pulling you in different directions and unraveling you at the same time. Clinging to our faith is the only thing that gets us through. Faith is more than just believing in God; it’s about who God is and what He has done for you. Take time today to understand that our faith not only strengthens our relationship with God but also equips us to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and grace.

The deeper your relationship with Him, the less likely you are to conform to the ways of this world.

I pray that as you launch into your week, you are reminded of who God is and that your actions today reflect the love and truth that come from knowing Him.

 

Kelly Skelton is a Georgia native, raised in the south on Jesus, Georgia football and sweet tea.  She is her husbands’ biggest fan and her two daughters’ loudest cheerleaders.  She recently published her first children’s book titled, But God Had a Plan.  She stays active in the Dallas area as a  photographer, videographer, writer, and middle school teacher.

 

Digging Deeper: Honor, Love, Fear, Honor

Avatar photo Sellers Hickman on October 4, 2024

Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.

1 Peter 2:17 (ESV)


HONOR, LOVE, FEAR, HONOR

 

The final verse of this section feels like a locker room verse. I picture Tennessee, LSU, or Clemson running through the locker room, touching a sign above the door before they hit the field that says, “Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.”

Alright… maybe the fourth statement is a stretch. But seriously, if any coaches out there are looking for a new battle cry for your team, 1 Peter 2:17 is a pretty strong contender!

Why does Peter end this section with these four quick reminders? Because they’re a perfect summary of what he’s just been teaching. It’s like he’s saying, “If you don’t remember anything else, remember this!” These four phrases capture what it looks like to live out our faith in the midst of a watching world, whether it’s with your family, in the workplace, or in your daily interactions.

Honor everyone – Peter isn’t just telling us to honor the people who think like us, act like us, or treat us kindly. No! He’s saying honor everyone. That includes difficult people, those who disagree with us, and even those who might mistreat us. Why? Because every single person is made in the Imago Dei—the image of God. That’s what gives each person inherent worth and value, whether they acknowledge it or not.

To honor someone doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with everything they do or say. It doesn’t mean excusing sin or injustice. But it does mean treating them with dignity and respect, recognizing that they, like us, are image-bearers of God. Think of Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount, where He calls us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). This is the kind of radical honor Peter is talking about.

Love the brotherhood – This is a reference to the community of believers, the church. And this isn’t just about loving the people in your small group or the friends you sit next to in service. It’s about loving all who profess the name of Jesus, even when it’s hard, even when there are disagreements or differences of opinion.

Loving the brotherhood means having each other’s backs. It means carrying one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), encouraging one another daily (Hebrews 3:13), and forgiving one another as Christ forgave us (Colossians 3:13). And yes, sometimes love means having difficult conversations, experiencing growing pains, or working through conflicts. But as 1 Corinthians 13:7 reminds us, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” This kind of love creates a strong, unified community that reflects the heart of God to the world.

Fear God – “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,” says Proverbs 9:10. Peter reminds us here that the foundation of all our actions should be a healthy, reverent fear of God. Not a cowering fear, as though we’re scared of what He might do to us, but a deep respect and awe for who He is.

When we have the right view of God, everything else falls into place. We start to live with a sense of purpose, knowing that our lives are ultimately accountable to Him. We also gain the wisdom to navigate life’s complexities because our actions are guided by a desire to honor Him above all else. If we fear God rightly, we won’t be swayed by the opinions of others or the pressures of this world. Instead, we’ll live with the freedom and confidence that comes from knowing who holds ultimate authority.

Honor the emperor – Peter understood that, regardless of how flawed or evil a leader might be, all authority ultimately comes from God (Romans 13:1). Honoring the emperor didn’t mean agreeing with everything Nero did or condoning his actions. It meant recognizing that God was still sovereign over the situation and that submission to earthly authorities was part of living out their faith.

If Peter could challenge his readers to honor a man as evil as Nero, then we can honor those in leadership over us, even when we disagree with them. Honor begins with submission, and submission starts with the heart.

As we wrap up this week, the question remains: How is your heart doing? Are you cultivating a heart that’s quick to honor others, quick to forgive, and quick to love? Are you developing a heart that fears God above all else, or are you more focused on what others think?

Living out these commands from Peter isn’t easy, but it’s part of what it means to live as a follower of Christ. It starts with our heart—how we see God, how we see others, and how we respond to the pressures and challenges of life.

As you reflect on this verse, ask yourself: Are you honoring everyone, even those who are difficult to honor? Are you loving the brotherhood of believers, even when it’s messy or inconvenient? Are you living with a healthy fear of God, allowing His wisdom to guide your life? And are you willing to honor those in authority over you, even when it’s hard?

If your heart is in the right place, you’ll find that these commands aren’t burdensome, but life-giving. You’ll be living in a way that reflects the heart of God to a world that desperately needs to see it.

 

Sellers Hickman serves as College Pastor at NorthStar Church and loves cheering on his Ole Miss Rebels. He and his wife, Hannah, live in Dallas, Ga. with their one year old, Emery. He also serves as the chaplain for the KSU Men’s Basketball team.