Digging Deeper: Hearing Before Seeing
So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house.Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died…
When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
John 11:20-21; 28-32 (ESV)
PROCESSING GRIEF
Grief does strange things to people. It stirs up questions, old hurts, doubts, and anxiety. But perhaps the strangest thing about grief is that it touches everyone differently. In John 11, we see grief through the eyes of two sisters—Mary and Martha—and how Jesus met them in their pain.
When Jesus finally arrives in Bethany—four days after Lazarus’ death—each sister responds in her own unique way. Interestingly, their words to Jesus are nearly identical, but their posture and approach are not. In this, we discover a deeply encouraging truth: Jesus meets them both in their own way.
Martha hears that Jesus is near, and she cannot wait. She runs to Him. I can’t say for sure what her motives were. Is this the same Martha we met in Luke 10:38–42—the one frustrated that her sister wasn’t helping prepare the home for Jesus, focused more on service than presence? Or is she now running to Jesus full of faith, grounded in what she knows to be true of Him?
Whatever her motivation, she comes to Jesus with solid theological understanding. She says, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” (John 11:24) She believes in the future hope, but not necessarily in the possibility of a present miracle. Even with right belief, she still carries the weight of grief. Yet, she brings her pain and thoughts to Jesus and holds nothing back.
Mary, on the other hand, doesn’t run that day. She waits. Maybe she sat in the same spot she had occupied the last time she was with Jesus—at His feet, listening. Is her waiting a quiet act of faith, trusting the One who once met her in that very place? Or is her grief so heavy that she cannot move until Jesus calls for her?
When she finally comes, she falls at His feet and weeps. She doesn’t speak with theological insight; she simply brings her vulnerability and tears. And Jesus doesn’t respond with a sermon—He responds with His own tears.
The beauty of this story isn’t in determining which sister was “right” or “wrong.” Both loved Jesus deeply. Both believed in His power. Both grieved honestly. And both were deeply loved by Jesus.
But Jesus responds to each of them differently. To Martha, He gives truth to cling to: “I am the resurrection and the life.” To Mary, He offers His presence and emotion. He meets each according to her need.
When we grieve, some of us run to God with our questions. Others sit in silence, waiting for His presence. Jesus understands both. And He draws near to both.
When life hurts and God feels late, are you more like Martha or Mary?
Do you need to talk it out—or sit quietly in the pain?
Neither is right or wrong. What matters most is that you bring your grief to Jesus. He is ready to meet you—in whatever way you come.
He is for you. He sees you. He weeps with you.
Sellers Hickman serves as College & Teaching Pastor at NorthStar Church and loves cheering on his Ole Miss Rebels. He and his wife, Hannah, live in Dallas, Ga. with their two daughters. He also serves as the chaplain for the KSU Men’s Basketball team.