Digging Deeper: A Family of Peace

Every family wants to experience peace, but not every family understands where peace actually begins. We usually think peace comes from having fewer problems, better communication, or more time together. Each of these things is helpful, but Scripture gives us a different starting point. Peace is not something we manufacture; it is a reality we receive from Christ and then learn to practice with one another.

Colossians 3:12-15 is a passage that is often applied to churches, but it is just as essential for families. Why? Because the family is the first community God places us in. It is the first classroom where we learn forgiveness, practice patience, and form our instincts. If Colossians 3 describes the life of God’s people, then the home is where those verses take root most personally and most deeply.

The family is where we first learn our identity in Christ. Paul begins by saying, “God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved.” Ultimately, before he tells us what to do, he tells us who we are. This is the same for families. As a College Pastor, I spend countless hours listening to students wrestle with identity: feelings of insecurity, fear of failure, uncertainty about their worth. As I dig into those struggles, many of them trace back to childhood wounds, misunderstandings, or the atmosphere they grew up in. But identity issues are not limited to parent-child relationships. A home cannot be a place of peace if husbands and wives forget who they are in Christ. For all of these relationships to thrive, we must remember: “I am chosen. I am loved. I am set apart by God.”

Paul then moves to how we should clothe ourselves with the attributes of God. Clothing is intentional. You choose it every day. Think of a toddler picking out their outfit… sometimes it matches, sometimes it does not. But there is still intention behind every decision. In the same way, we must intentionally put on these attributes of Christ each day. But how do these virtues play out in the home?

• Compassion: See each other’s weariness instead of just their mistakes.

• Kindness: Speak with warmth, not sharpness.

• Humility: Listen rather than insist on being right.

• Gentleness: Correct without crushing someone’s spirit.

• Patience: Give one another space for growth without pressure.

If these virtues are not practiced in the family, where will they be practiced? If they are not displayed in the home, where will they be displayed? The family is God’s training ground for Christlike character.

Paul adds that we should bear with each other and forgive as the Lord has forgiven us. This can be hard to put into practice in any relationship, but we are naturally in the best environment to do this with family. If we refuse to bear with someone or forgive them, the world would tell us to cut them off and leave them. That may be easy to do with friends, coworkers, or acquaintances, but it is much harder to cut off family. So what can we learn from this? That we will be in it with these people for the long haul. That means we must have long-game vision to see that not everything has to be fixed in a day. We should choose to forgive and bear with those God has placed in our family.

Finally, Paul talks about love binding us together. It is that old adage: “You do not have to like each other, but you are going to love each other.” This deep, self-giving love is what keeps relationships alive. We should be people marked by love and filled with peace. Such peace should rule our hearts and our lives so that we become people of peace within our own families.

This holiday season, how can you increase the peace within your own household? This is not the time to point the finger at somebody else: “Well, if my kid would just… If my spouse would just… If my family would just…” No. How can you increase peace this holiday season? I encourage you during the week of Thanksgiving (and Christmas) to wake up each day and read Colossians 3:12-15 again. Pray that God will fill you with these virtues and that it will be evident that you are choosing peace.