Lee Wilson – Page 2 – NorthStar Church Blog

Digging Deeper: True Love

Lee Wilson on October 18, 2024

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ²when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ³Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— ⁴but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. ⁵For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ⁶as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

⁷Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you^[^a^] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:1-7 (NLT)

TRUE LOVE

Romance is a fickle thing, and like lightning, it can strike when you least expect it. Deanna and I first connected one night at work. The Super Target where we both worked during high school and college used to be a viewing spot for fireworks on July 4th.

Due to some late rain, the fireworks were delayed, and we got stuck in awful traffic after work. By happenstance, we started having a conversation in the parking lot. I should mention that at the time, I was dating another girl and wasn’t looking for a relationship. Yet, as we talked, the night went on and on, well beyond the traffic, and the only thing keeping me there was the conversation. In other words, there were… fireworks! Sorry, couldn’t resist.

I got home late that day with a bittersweet feeling. I knew I was in love, and it wasn’t with the girl I was dating. Fast forward, and we’ve been married for 15 years.

A coworker of mine recently got married, and he asked me, “What’s the secret to staying married?” I simply replied, “There is no secret—just mean what you say at the altar, and you’ll be good.”

As we reflect on this week’s message, we’ve discussed the roles of husbands and wives, the importance of self-sacrifice, and the way children can complicate things. At this point, I’d like to underscore the bedrock of it all: love.

I am so thankful for the gift of love. Our example for love is very simple—it’s Jesus. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). There is no greater example of love than this.

We get to experience all kinds of love, whether with spouses, children, friends, or extended family. But the love you share with your spouse is special. It’s unique, intimate, and beautiful.

In Song of Solomon, it says:
“…for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house,
he would be utterly despised.” (SoS 8:6-7)

I don’t know how I would describe the love I have with Deanna, but this passage feels more accurate than anything I could come up with. If we can focus less on ourselves and more on our spouse, using the loving example of our Lord, maybe we can live in this love that cannot be quenched.

I would also like to personally thank Daniel Hoover for his contributions to this week’s devotionals. Daniel is someone I hold in the absolute highest regard, and it was a joy to share his wisdom with you.

He and Bonnie offer a range of services to couples, dealing with topics from infertility to infidelity to conflict resolution, through their ministry called The Marriage Adventure. You can find them here:

themarriageadventure.com
@themarriageadventure on Facebook and Instagram
The Marriage Adventure Podcast can be found wherever you listen to podcasts.

Lee Wilson and his wife, Deanna, have been NorthStar Church members since 2010. They are parents to Everett, Henry and Roselyn. Lee is passionate about sports (Go Braves, Go Dawgs) and has the pleasure to serve on the worship team as a bassist.

Digging Deeper: Parenthood

Lee Wilson on October 16, 2024

1 Peter 3:1-7 (NLT)

PARENTHOOD

We recently took on one of the modern world’s greatest challenges to the family—a trip to Disney World. The unforgiving heat, the thousands of steps, and the debate over whether or not the Lightning Lanes are worth it (they are—in for a penny, in for a pound). Not much can wear down the collective patience of a family faster than that combination of sweat, money, lines, and steps. You experience the full gamut of emotions at Disney, that’s for certain.

A movie that displays all the emotions of parenthood is Parenthood with Steve Martin. A great example of a dad stepping up to the plate to preserve his family’s well-being is when his son, Kevin, is having a birthday party. He had hired a cowboy impersonator for the party, and a bunch of kids had shown up just for that.

When he found out the cowboy was unavailable, he threw a Hail Mary to save the party—he grabbed a cowboy hat and made a fool of himself as a cowboy for an hour, much to the delight of his son and the other kids. This act brought great joy to his wife and all the children, and he won the day by putting them first.

That movie does a great job of showing the different angles and stresses parenting can place on a marriage. Once you have kids, your capacity to love, fear, worry, stress, and hope all seem to grow. You never knew you could love someone that much or worry about someone that much.

It is important, however, to maintain boundaries between kids and parents. As we continue consulting Pastoral Counselor and Marriage Adventure Co-founder Daniel Hoover, I asked him to speak on this subject:

“This year my parents will celebrate 64 years of marriage,” reflected Hoover. “I remember my mom always saying, ‘The greatest thing I can do for you boys is to love your dad.’ She was right. My parents maintained a healthy and connected marriage. This created such a foundation for me and my family. My mom and dad loved me, but they had no problem letting me know that the world didn’t revolve around me.”

It feels like we live in a time that magnifies the child, often placing them above the spousal relationship. It sounds selfless, but in the end, it can be harmful to the long-term well-being of the child.

“It’s important to remember, kids should come second!” said Hoover. “We’re all looking for validation and love, and when our kids are small, they offer us validation. They make us feel important. They’re so cute and cuddly… and selfish! Kids should be taught that they don’t run the home—Mom and Dad do. Our children will be happier, healthier, and better adults if they are raised with an understanding that the world doesn’t revolve around them. If the health of your marriage suffers, the children will also suffer.”

Digging Deeper: The Advice of a Grandfather

Lee Wilson on October 16, 2024

1 Peter 3:1-7 (NLT)

THE ADVICE OF A GRANDFATHER

When I was a teenager, I had a conversation with my grandfather one morning. We were on a family vacation to the Outer Banks, a family favorite of ours, and he and I were drinking coffee and watching the sunrise while everyone else slept.

My grandmother had passed away several years earlier, and he was reflecting on their marriage. He shared a quote with me that I’ve never forgotten: “When you get married, it should be you and her against the world.”

I love that idea. Life isn’t easy, and finding a husband or wife you can face it with—knowing unequivocally that you have each other’s back—is something we should all be so lucky to find.

When reflecting on the challenges that couples face these days, Pastoral Counselor and Marriage Adventure co-founder Daniel Hoover narrowed it down to two critical challenges:

“Our biggest threat to a godly marriage is SELF,” said Hoover. “When we aren’t abiding in or walking with Christ daily, that old, fleshly, selfish nature begins to rear its ugly head. However, when both spouses are walking with Christ daily and submitting to His authority, we find it much easier to die to ourselves and serve one another.”

The second threat is easy to guess: DISCONNECTION.

“It’s rampant in our society,” said Hoover. “Whether it’s watching TikTok or reels, playing video games, or spending countless hours at the ball field, couples today are more disconnected than ever! A deep, meaningful connection in marriage takes intentionality. Think about when you and your spouse first met—chances are, you went on dates, talked for hours on the phone, and went on fun trips. However, as life and seasons change, many couples allow kids, work, and hobbies to rob them of meaningful connection.”

The “diseases” of SELF and DISCONNECTION are easy to spot, and both can pose major threats to the health of our marriages. Daniel offered these remedies to counteract these threats:

Go to bed at the same time (without turning on the TV). This creates margin in your day and allows you and your spouse to have “pillow talk” before falling asleep. It also creates time for other fun bedroom antics.
Offer bids for connection throughout the day. A bid for connection is when one partner reaches out to the other for interest, conversation, or expressing a need. The healthiest couples talk about everything and nothing at the same time. It could be sending a sweet text during the day, stopping in the hallway to offer an extended hug, complimenting them on how nice they look, or stopping by Starbucks to get their favorite coffee drink.
Once a quarter, get away for a night (without the kids). It sounds like a lot, but it’s only four times a year. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. If you can’t afford to get away, send the kids to the grandparents’ or a friend’s house.

Digging Deeper: Know Your Role

Lee Wilson on October 15, 2024

1 Peter 3:1-7 (NLT)

KNOW YOUR ROLE

I am married to a very strong-willed and outspoken wife, and those are qualities I love about her. You never have to question her; she will tell you exactly how she feels and exactly what she needs or wants. In our 15 years of marriage, I like to think I’ve become better, or more proficient, at understanding how to meet those needs and serve her.

For example, some people’s love language is acts of service or physical touch. Deanna’s is a solid two-hour nap and an iced coffee when she wakes up. Whatever love language you call that, it’s hers. I understand that about her, and on Sundays after church, I try to take care of our kids so she can have a restful afternoon and an iced Americano when she wakes up. That does far more for her affection toward me than flowers, candy, or even a nice dinner ever would.

As we raise our sons and both work full time, we try to be mindful of taking care of and serving one another in the small ways we can. Life is a grind, and prioritizing biblical guidance for our lifelong partnership is a must for us, as it should be for anyone. Keep Jesus at the center, and follow His lead in serving your partner over yourself.

Life will continue to stretch and grow you, so the roles we play as spouses aren’t always clear-cut. According to pastoral counselor Daniel Hoover, it’s not uncommon for the roles we play for one another to evolve over time.

“When addressing spousal roles, Scripture doesn’t assign duties to either the husband or wife,” Hoover said. “God created us all with different gifts and talents. Some couples are more traditional, and some are more unconventional. This can also change over different seasons of life. It comes down to the heart in which we interact and submit to one another in the marriage union.”

Part of growing in your relationship over time could be this evolution, and embracing those potential changes could be key to how we serve our spouses.

“I believe it is important to allow grace when seasons change and a spouse might sense a different calling. For example, before we had children, Bonnie was called to serve and work directly beside me in our day-to-day ministry (careers). However, as our children have gotten older, she has pulled back from that and geared her attention more toward them and creating our home environment. While at first this was difficult for me, it was important for her that I remain understanding of God’s unique calling in her life.”

Change is inevitable. As we face new changes and challenges over time, it’s important to have grace for our spouses as we navigate the uncharted together.

Digging Deeper: Submit to One Another

Lee Wilson on October 14, 2024

1 Peter 3:1-7 (NLT)

SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER

Having the opportunity to write for the Digging Deeper team is an honor and a responsibility that I do not take lightly. When I saw that my topic was marriage, along with some very important scripture about it, I felt intimidated by the task of addressing it.

So, I decided to ask someone more studied and credentialed to offer some insight. Daniel Hoover, who served on staff at Northstar for nearly two decades, founded and leads a ministry called The Marriage Adventure with his wife, Bonnie. Who better to ask for help than him? Daniel kindly agreed to provide some insight and will be featured several times this week.

In 1 Peter, chapter three, wives are called to submit to their husbands (v. 5), and husbands are called to honor their wives (v. 7). Similarly, Paul references the idea of spousal submission in Ephesians when he says wives should submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ (Eph. 5:24), while husbands should love their wives as they love themselves (5:28).

So, what does biblical submission look like practically?

“Paul commands us all to ‘Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,’” said Hoover, referencing Ephesians 5:21. “As Christians, we are to submit to each other. This means that we should think of the other person first, or before ourselves, yielding to each other when possible. Paul is addressing all believers, regardless of gender or socioeconomic status, in this verse. Then, in verse 22, he narrows his focus to marriage.”

This point is significant: we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. It only makes sense that this concept would carry over into marriage. Additionally, the original audience for Paul’s and Peter’s teachings would have been dramatically different from today’s.

“In that time, women were viewed as property,” Hoover said. “It was understood that a woman was supposed to submit to any and every man. However, Paul was saying that a woman isn’t to submit to every man. Women aren’t lesser than men. He was saying to submit only to your own husband. This is also the understanding Peter displays in 1 Peter 3:1. This was incredibly liberating for women in that day; it actually lifted women up from public oppression.”

This idea of submission is a continuation of the death to self that we endure as believers. In the confines of marriage, placing the needs of your partner ahead of your own is a noble pursuit. However, Daniel wanted to emphasize one important distinction:

“It’s also important to note that when these passages talk about submission, we aren’t commanded to submit to one another’s sin,” said Hoover. “Colossians 3:18 says, ‘Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.’ Wives have a higher authority than their husband, and that is Christ the Lord. We should always remember that a husband is a servant leader, not a tyrannical ruler.”

May we each strive to out-serve one another, as is fitting to the Lord, each day!

Digging Deeper: A Letter from the President

Lee Wilson on July 19, 2024

1 Sarah lived 127 years; these were the years of the life of Sarah. 2 And Sarah died at Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.

Genesis 23:1-2 (NLT)

A LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT

We have spent this week focusing on the difficult subject of grief, specifically how Abraham processed the passing of his wife, Sarah. I would like to talk about another Abraham, though. This man was no stranger to grief. He lost his mother when he was just a nine-year-old boy, his sister died 10 years later during childbirth, and he himself would later lose two sons to illness before they reached the age of 12. I am referring to Abraham Lincoln, one of the most well-versed people on the subject of grief in the public eye.

Lincoln’s second son, Edward, died at the age of 4 from tuberculosis. He then lost his son, Willie, to typhoid fever. Willie passed during Lincoln’s time as president in 1862. Elizabeth Keckly, a former slave who had been hired as Mrs. Lincoln’s Chief Wardrobe Designer, recounted Willie’s passing and said that Lincoln stood at the end of his bed, staring at his body moments after. She said the president stood “in silent, awe-stricken wonder…the genius and greatness weeping over love’s idol lost.”

Lincoln was no stranger to loss, in other words. It is the reason he was hesitant to let his eldest, Robert Todd Lincoln, serve during the Civil War. He was afraid he would lose him too. He eventually relented but assigned Robert as an assistant to General Grant, thereby guaranteeing he would be kept close to Grant and out of harm’s way to whatever degree possible.

It would make sense, then, for Lincoln to be a qualified grief counselor in some sense after having so much practice himself. Also in 1862, a good friend of his named William McCullough was killed in battle, further devastating Lincoln. He penned a letter to the surviving daughter of McCullough, named Fanny. In the letter, Lincoln says, “In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time.”

Lincoln’s letter echoes the lessons we have studied repeatedly this week. We will all experience trouble, and the time to process and mourn is necessary (Genesis 23:1-2); we need to accept help in our times of need and offer it to those struggling around us when we can (Galatians 6:2, Proverbs 17:17); and we are reminded by Paul to look out for each other, not just ourselves (Philippians 2:4).

When we face challenges, our task is to persevere in the faith to receive what is promised to us (Hebrews 10:36), relying on God’s word to guide us. Lincoln called the Bible “the best gift God has given to man.” So heed our weary past president’s words and cling tightly to Scripture. Our hope is in Christ, no matter what we are facing. For He told us that “…in this world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Digging Deeper: Walks to Winks

Lee Wilson on July 18, 2024

Genesis 23:1-2 (NLT)

WALKS TO WINKS

As we reflect on the subject of emotional turmoil and grief, we have focused on Abraham and the death of his wife, Sarah. Even though none of us ever met Abraham, many of us can relate to the story through relevant personal losses we have experienced in our lifetimes.

The first time I ever remember experiencing death’s sting was when my grandmother, “Nana,” passed away in 1999. I was 12 years old, and I knew she was sick with lung cancer. I had been given limited anecdotes from my parents about how serious it was and to enjoy the time I got to spend with her.

I remember getting called up to the front office at school out of nowhere on a cold February day and feeling so perplexed with curiosity as to why I was leaving early that day. When I rounded the corner down the hallway and saw my teary-eyed father, I immediately knew, even before he told me. She was 58 years old.

I have always felt sorrow that I did not get to experience life beyond that age with her. I remember her, but I remember her through the eyes of a 12-year-old. I remember that being the only time I ever really saw my grandfather sad. He was a man who rarely wasn’t wearing a smile, thus sorrow wasn’t a common mode for him. I am grateful to say that my grandfather (“Pop Pop” to us) lived to see me get married, and he and I developed a special bond.

My family would take vacations every summer to the Outer Banks in North Carolina, with my grandfather picking a new beach house for my family and extended family to spend a week in every summer. I was an early riser, and most mornings it would be just me and him watching the sun come up over the beach in the distance. He would take a morning walk to a little general store called “Winks” every morning and grab a newspaper before everyone woke.

So, he started inviting me to go with him. It became our thing. Every vacation, I would get up, race to the living room, and wait for him to put on a pot of coffee so it would be ready by the time we got back. We would walk the beach road or sometimes in the sand until we got to Winks, where my grandfather and his infectiously boisterous personality were well known and well liked. He seemingly knew no strangers and would always manage to say something to make someone laugh.

In those early morning conversations, sometimes he would tell me about my grandmother. I would learn things about her that I didn’t know, and he would recount stories from their younger days. He even told me that she would yell “Master Chief!” to which my grandfather, who was an actual Master Chief in the Navy, knew he had messed up and was in the doghouse. We would laugh at those stories.

These conversations were joyful for me, and I think cathartic at times for him. Being present for someone and listening is sometimes the best medicine we can offer when they are working out their grief. We are sure to face adversity, and we all process that differently. We have a responsibility to be there for each other, but how? Paul simply says to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). If we do this, we honor the grieving and Christ alike.

Digging Deeper: Help Winning the Fight

Lee Wilson on July 17, 2024

3 And Abraham rose up from before his dead and said to the Hittites, 4“I am a sojourner and foreigner among you; give me property among you for a burying place, that I may bury my dead out of my sight.” 5 The Hittites answered Abraham, 6 “Hear us, my lord; you are a prince of God among us. Bury your dead in the choicest of our tombs. None of us will withhold from you his tomb to hinder you from burying your dead.” 7 Abraham rose and bowed to the Hittites, the people of the land.

Genesis 23:3-7 (NLT)

HELP WINNING THE FIGHT

I have always enjoyed sports, but I have never really been into boxing. One of my brothers and my dad both love boxing, even taking trips to see major fights in person. I typically stick to baseball and college football. I do, however, enjoy a good boxing movie.

The most notable one is the Rocky collection, which happens to be my brother’s favorite movie series. Another one that I like is Million Dollar Baby, a great movie with a tragic ending. My personal favorite, though, is a movie called Cinderella Man. It stars Russell Crowe as real-life boxer James “Jimmy” Braddock.

The true story is about Braddock’s failing boxing career at the onset of the Great Depression. Braddock was fighting uninteresting matches for whatever money he could get while trying to grab work, with thousands of others, wherever he could find it. Struggling to make ends meet, Braddock suffers a broken hand and can’t fight for a period of time, hurting his ability to earn money for his family.

In a touching scene in the movie, Braddock is at his wit’s end and is trying to avoid eviction. He goes directly to Madison Square Garden offices and takes off his hat, begging for spare change and money needed to stave off eviction (roughly $35, apparently). This scene presents us with a broken and desperate man doing whatever he has to do to protect his wife and kids.

We hopefully will never experience this measure of financial or personal desperation, but if we do, it is up to us to be willing to ask for help. We are reminded over and over again in Scripture that our one true helper is the Lord (Psalm 121:2), and when those moments come, we can’t be unwilling to ask Him for help.

We are to seek counsel from others (Proverbs 12:15) and not get caught up trying to solve everything on our own. This prideful sense of not burdening others with our problems is not healthy, and a true reflection of the humility of Christ is knowing when to ask for help.

In Cinderella Man, after Braddock’s injury is healing, his former trainer and friend offers him a fight where he knows Braddock will be overmatched but says it will pay Braddock $200 if he is willing to step into the ring. Braddock responds joyously, “For $200 I would fight your mother!” and they share a laugh and an embrace.

What follows is the remarkable true story of the underdog Jim Braddock. He would go on an incredible run where he would defeat Corn Griffin, John Henry Lewis, Art Lasky, and eventually Max Baer to win the Heavyweight Championship, etching his name on the wall of the greatest sports stories ever.

This moment was born out of his desperation and his willingness to ask for and accept help. We may not always win every time we step into the ring, but if we put our faith in the right place and accept the help of those around us, we at least have a puncher’s chance.

Digging Deeper: Bear Each Other’s Burdens

Lee Wilson on July 16, 2024

7Abraham rose and bowed to the Hittites, the people of the land. 8And he said to them, “If you are willing that I should bury my dead out of my sight, hear me and entreat for me Ephron the son of Zohar, 9that he may give me the cave of Machpelah, which he owns; it is at the end of his field. For the full price let him give it to me in your presence as property for a burying place.”

10Now Ephron was sitting among the Hittites, and Ephron the Hittite answered Abraham in the hearing of the Hittites, of all who went in at the gate of his city, 11“No, my lord, hear me: I give you the field, and I give you the cave that is in it. In the sight of the sons of my people I give it to you. Bury your dead.” 12Then Abraham bowed down before the people of the land. 13And he said to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, “But if you will, hear me: I give the price of the field. Accept it from me, that I may bury my dead there.” 14Ephron answered Abraham, 15“My lord, listen to me: a piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is that between you and me? Bury your dead.” 16Abraham listened to Ephron, and Abraham weighed out for Ephron the silver that he had named in the hearing of the Hittites, four hundred shekels of silver, according to the weights current among the merchants.

Genesis 23:7-16 (NLT)

BEAR EACH OTHER’S BURDENS

When we experience pain in this world, one of the only remedies is the company of those who care for us. If a relative or friend passes away, or if you lose a job or are on the brink of divorce, the company and counsel of godly people is required. When Abraham lost Sarah, he decided he wanted to belong to the community instead of just living on the outskirts. As we learn, he goes to speak with the Hittites and openly calls himself a “sojourner and foreigner among you” (Gen. 23:4). Abraham then asked to buy a plot of land to bury his beloved wife.

The story gets a bit perplexing in modern terms at this point because the locals are seemingly gracious to him and offer free burial plots and caves for him to use. Yet Abraham is not satisfied and insists upon buying a place for burial. Overhearing this insistence, Ephron enters the fray and again tries to offer free land to Abraham, but he refuses. After Ephron lists the price as 400 shekels of silver, Abraham carefully measures out and pays the fee in front of everyone, and the land was sold to Abraham. The puzzling nature of this transaction can be explained like this: Abraham wanted to be a land-owning member of the community. He no longer sought to live on the fringes and have to “borrow” free space to bury his wife.

By doing this, Abraham honored the long-term residents with an open and honest business transaction in public, ingratiating himself to them and adhering to cultural norms of the time. He wanted to belong to the community. When we are in search of relief in our most challenging moments, we must rely on the community that we belong to, underscoring the importance of finding this community for ourselves and our families. Paul reminds us that when we are in moments of affliction, we are to “Bear each other’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

If we can find our place in our community, like Abraham did, and commit to bearing one another’s burdens, the responsibility then comes to us to accept the help of those around us when our time of need comes. When my daughter passed away, my wife and I drove home from the hospital, exhausted with grief, and slept hard. The next morning, I pried myself out of bed and began to think about arranging a funeral and speaking with family that would be coming into town. Then, around 8 a.m., I had a knock at my door.

It was my friend and our small group leader, Mike Lindeman. He had several boxes of donuts and coffee. He leaned in my front door, gave me a hug, and left me with breakfast. He spent maybe two minutes there before going on his way, saying he just wanted to offer some food because he figured we would have company that day. I remember Mike telling me during that time that it was important to accept help because those around us who cared wanted desperately to help, and we should let them. It meant a lot to me, and it’s a lesson I never forgot. When we find our community or our small group and bear each other’s burdens, we honor God. Give help when you can, but also gladly accept the support of others when it is offered.

Digging Deeper: A Universal Language

Lee Wilson on July 15, 2024

1 Sarah lived 127 years; these were the years of the life of Sarah. 2And Sarah died at Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.

Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of the field of Machpelah east of Mamre (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan. 20The field and the cave that is in it were made over to Abraham as property for a burying place by the Hittites.

Genesis 23:1-2, 19-20 (NLT)

A UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE

This week, we get to discuss the universal language of grief. There isn’t a person alive who hasn’t felt the painful sting caused by death and experienced the emotional emptiness that it can bring. In fact, as I write this, I have just come from a funeral service for my neighbor. He was in his early 40s with no health complications, and one day got an internal infection out of nowhere and shortly after went home to be with the Lord. He leaves behind his wife and a precious 5-year-old little girl.

Sitting through his service and watching the slideshow of pictures was emotional. We keep pictures from the pinnacle moments in our lives, the moments where we experienced the most joy and the most fun. I saw pictures of him with his family and friends, but the ones that tugged at my heart were the ones of him with his little girl.

The moments of pain and sorrow felt today are only a glimpse of what this family will endure in their life from here on out. Every birthday, Christmas, and joyous moment will always be slightly dimmed by the absence of someone we wish was still there. Yet, in time, we are able to process and accept the pain, and it can become a constructive part of our journey.

We visited Abraham in the middle of his grief this week. After his beloved Sarah passed into eternity, Abraham went in to “mourn and weep for her” (Gen. 23:1-2). Taking the time to grieve is a necessary component for anyone experiencing loss, but it isn’t the same for all of us. From various medical sources, there is no specific time that it takes somebody to grieve. Some say it could take a year, maybe two, but a lot of it is unique to each situation.

The reality is, when we experience loss, a part of us is from that point gone. My daughter was born and passed away in October 2013. Every single day that I am alive, I feel a hole in my heart because of her absence. I won’t get that piece of my heart back until I see her again in eternity. I feel most people who have experienced meaningful loss can relate to that sentiment. Yet, when we experience the loss that only eternity can fill, we must go to the keeper of eternity’s gates to find purpose and hope in our despair.

David was no stranger to pain and grief, and in the Psalms, we sometimes get expressions of the raw emotions he experienced. In Psalm 13, David has a short yet piercing reflection we can relate to—he felt forgotten and wondered if God was there, but he perseveres in hope. It is only six verses:

1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O LORD my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Even in a dark moment of doubt, David holds tightly to the Lord’s steadfast love. When we are shaken with grief and facing moments of doubt, we must remember that the Lord will deal “bountifully” with us, too, and cling tightly to His steadfast love.