NorthStar Church Blog

Today, as we approach the act of forgiveness, I see this more as a reminder than a new idea. We all know, logically, that holding on to past grievances doesn’t impact the person who committed them nearly as much as it affects our own lives. Refusing to forgive keeps us stuck in the moment of the hurt, while the other person is probably not even thinking about it.

For that very reason, I think Matthew 5:23–24 is so thought-provoking. It is easy for us to forget the things we’ve done to others, but in this passage Jesus tells us to be mindful of what others might have against us. That is not at all how we usually think. Thinking this way requires intentional self-evaluation. As we looked at earlier in the week, we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions. So when we realize that someone has something against us, it’s easy to excuse our actions by saying what we did “wasn’t that bad” and that the person holding it against us is the one in the wrong. But these verses don’t take right and wrong into account at all. Jesus is only talking about the fractured relationship—and He says it’s on us to try to fix it before we point our hearts heavenward. He is pointing us back to the “Love God, Love People” command. He is reminding us of the connection between our relationships with others and our relationship with God.

Then Matthew 6 reinforces that same connection. If we want to have a right and forgiving relationship with God, we must cultivate that same kind of relationship with the people around us.

We all know we need God’s forgiveness, but sometimes we also feel like we need to forgive God. Not because He has wronged us—He hasn’t—but because in our pain, disappointment, or waiting, it can feel that way. I know I’ve had times when I consciously or unconsciously felt God wasn’t treating me fairly. I was waiting for an answer or struggling through a painful season, and I didn’t like it. Forgiveness, even in this sense, is a choice: to let go of that ill feeling (whether justified or not) and move forward in trust.

Take a moment and evaluate your own life. Are there people you need to forgive? Are there people you need to ask for forgiveness? Are there areas of your life where you need God’s forgiveness? Are there places where you are holding a grudge against Him? Ask God to reveal those things to you, and take time today to make them right.

When I was a kid, a movie came out called Megaforce. I wouldn’t recommend it—unless you’re in the mood for a cheesy action flick. Before its release in the summer of 1982, I remember seeing ads for Megaforce on the back covers of many comics (I was an avid comic reader). The ad showed a tall, muscular guy with his arm around a girl in a red dress. All around him were cool, futuristic military vehicles with guns blazing. It looked amazing to my teenage self! Written across the top of the ad in simulated neon letters was the phrase: “DEEDS NOT WORDS.”

The movie turned out to be disappointing, but that phrase really stuck in my head. I thought it was cool.

If we want to build a relationship with anyone, what we do is more important than what we say. It’s usually only in dysfunctional relationships that words are given priority over actions. If someone claims to be your friend but constantly makes excuses not to spend time with you, and never does anything you ask, you’d be foolish to keep calling them your friend.

Our relationship with God works the same way. If we attend church, recite all the right words, sing every worship song in the correct key, and take notes on the app during the message—but then live like the devil for the rest of the week—our actions and words are not aligned. No matter how well we talk about God, it’s our actions that give us away.

Eugene Peterson put it this way: “Each act of obedience by the Christian is a modest proof, unequivocal for all its imperfection, of the reality of what he attests.” Or, in the words of the old children’s song: “Obedience is the very best way to show what you believe.”

What do your DEEDS say about your relationship with God? Do you spend time with Him? Do you make obedience to Him a priority? Take a moment to pray and ask God to show you where you’re falling short—and then take action to address it.

We talked yesterday about Abraham’s relationship with God and his communication with Him. Today, we’ll look at a different aspect of that relationship. The keyword is relationship. Abraham didn’t view God as just a force in his life, nor did he see God as a vending machine into which he deposited worship and then received whatever he desired. God was a living personality with whom Abraham interacted on a daily basis.

Eugene Peterson, in his book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, summed up the way many people think about faith today:

“Too often we think of religion as a far-off, mysteriously run bureaucracy to which we apply for assistance when we feel the need. We go to a local branch office and direct the clerk (sometimes called a pastor) to fill out our order for God. Then we go home and wait for God to be delivered to us according to the specifications that we have set down. But that is not the way it works. And if we thought about it for two consecutive minutes, we would not want it to work that way.”

We want God on our terms and our timeline. When He doesn’t present Himself that way or fails to meet our deadlines, we question what He’s up to. In relationships, that kind of behavior—though common—is not healthy. We often judge others’ actions (including God’s) and assign motives to those actions. The irony is that we don’t judge ourselves that way. We look at our own motives and use them to justify our actions, however wrong they may be. We say things like, “I didn’t mean to,” as if good intentions erase the impact our actions have on others.

Throughout the Bible, we see people questioning God. When Job questioned God’s motive behind his suffering, God responded, “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?” (Job 38:2)—essentially saying, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” In Isaiah, God says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.” (Isaiah 55:8), reminding us that His motives are often beyond our understanding.

With Abraham, we see someone willing to trust that God is doing the right thing even when he doesn’t understand it. He trusts when God tells him to move. He trusts when God promises him a son. He even trusts when God asks him to place that son on an altar. Abraham trusted God on God’s terms. When things didn’t make sense, he looked back at years of God’s faithfulness. That kind of faith doesn’t arrive overnight like a Prime delivery—it takes time and work, just like any lasting relationship.

Healthy relationships are not built in a moment but over time. Abraham saw that his obedience continually led him back to God’s faithfulness. Take a moment to examine your own life. Is the same true for you? Can you see times when your obedience to God has been met with His faithfulness? Is there an area where you’re questioning whether God has your best interests in mind? Go to Him and tell Him.

At the beginning of the Bible, in the book of Genesis, we see story after story of people going against God, and God correcting their behavior. From Adam and Eve to the flood to the Tower of Babel, no one seems able to maintain a relationship with God. Then we meet Abraham.

Abraham was a rich man with herds and servants. He was doing well for himself. Then God called him to pick up stakes and move hundreds of miles away. God made promises to Abraham, and Abraham made the astonishing choice to move just as God asked him. That is big faith.

Every relationship we have begins with an act of faith. From the playground to the boardroom to the wedding altar, every relationship requires faith in the other person. For that faith to continue, there must be communication and action.

Abraham’s relationship with God began when God communicated with him. However, as the story unfolds, Abraham also communicates with God. He tells God his longing for a child. Didn’t God already know that Abraham wanted that? Hadn’t God already promised him offspring? Yet God doesn’t get angry; He encourages Abraham.

God wants us to share our concerns, desires, and even our sins with Him. We know He already knows those things—He knows us better than we know ourselves—but He wants us to share them anyway. It demonstrates our faith in Him. In Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer, C. S. Lewis puts it this way: “Even an intimate human friend is ill-used if we talk to him about one thing while our mind is on another.”

Communicating honestly with God and going to Him first when we need Him honors our relationship with Him. The ones we are closest to should always be the ones we want to share our joys and sorrows with first. When we draw near to Him, He draws near to us.

Take a minute now and examine yourself. Are there things you need to talk to God about? Are there fears, desires, or secret sins you need to bring before Him? Not because He is unaware, but because you have a relationship with Him. Be honest with Him.

A long time ago, I received some good advice. I’ve heard this sentiment repeated often, but I’m pretty sure the first person to share it with me was Mr. Bassitt, my leadership class teacher at St. Albans High School. (I know—another SAHS story—but I learned a lot about life in high school.) He said you should pay attention to the way people treat those who are serving them. The way you treat the waitstaff at a restaurant or the cashier at the store shows how you really feel about people. That’s why, he said, taking someone out to eat is a great first date: not only do you get to sit and talk with someone for an extended period, but you also get to see how they interact with the servers.

Through the years, I’ve seen this play out over and over. Perhaps it’s just my perception, but when I see someone treat a server poorly, I assume they don’t like people very much. However, I think it goes deeper than that. It reveals the default feelings people have about others. One behavior reveals another.

Jesus and John both point to this same idea in the scripture above: one action or attitude reveals another. The way we love people relates directly to the way we love God. This seems very important, because one is evident to those around us while the other is easier to hide—even from ourselves.

I think we can fool ourselves about how we really feel. I remember going to lunch with a guy who wanted to intern with me for the summer. As we were eating, he told me he was a “people person” and listed all the clubs and groups he was part of at college. But the only time he spoke to our waitress was to order his food and ask for a drink refill. When it came time to pay, he said I shouldn’t leave a full tip because the waitress was “scowly.” Apparently, in his book, smiling was a requirement for a tip.

As we headed back to the church, I told him what I had observed. He seemed surprised. At first, he was defensive and thought I was being unfair: “I told you I really am a people person!” To his credit, as he started to verbalize his thoughts, he realized he wasn’t treating people the way he should—unless they had something to offer him. At the same time, he expected others to treat him well. He ended up not interning for me, but years later he contacted me to thank me for that lesson.

Like a thermometer when you’re sick, how you treat people around you is a good way to diagnose whether your relationship with God is healthy. Take a minute to check your spiritual temperature. How are you showing love to those around you—both the familiar and the unfamiliar? Take a moment to pray and ask God to show you where you’re missing the mark in your relationships, and ask Him to strengthen your relationship with Him.

And as always, don’t forget to tip your waitress.